First and foremost – Friday night is Castle night, gang. There is a new goth in town by the name of txmxdx He’s moving to our lovely town on Wednesday and is looking to meet people and go out and about. I told him I’d be out there on Friday, and so Friday I shall be out there. Would love it if I could have some of my gothy pals along for the ride.

Now….on to some of my ramblings.

First of all….

I don’t understand why some mother fuckers won’t leave well enough alone. Why do people have to be so bitter? Why do they have to shit on other people’s happiness? You have a falling out with someone, you move on. You lead your own life, and you let them lead theirs. You don’t want until they find happiness and then decide to pop back up and start causing shit. I wish nothing but the best for every single one of my former relationships, regardless of what happened between us. What would be the point in trying to fuck up their lives? What’s it going to do for me? How am I going to be a better person by trying to bring someone else down?

Oh, yeah…I’m not. I’m just going to prove to the entire world how much of a complete and utter bastard I am.

And no, before anyone starts getting paranoid, this is NOT about anything that is happening to me. I’m just angry right now. Scorpio. Angry. Not the best of combinations.

I just don’t like it when someone fucks with the people I love. I don’t like it at all.

Critus takes a deep breath

Ok. That is out. I can move on with my life now.

So we had an all day training today. Closed down the entire credit union and went to a seminar held by a man named Joe Gilliam. You know, I went into this thing with a fairly jaded computer programmer attitude. Being more cynical than your average room full of people, I figured I knew what he was going to say and how he was going to say it. I told my co-workers that I was going to either sit in the back and ignore the thing, or I was going to just throw myself into participating. I took the latter option, and actually had a lot of fun with it. I found something out while I was there, too. Joe was a pretty smart guy. The main reason I think so? Much of what he taught is in line with my current philosophy in life – Things won’t get better until we choose to make them better. Accountability. Personal responsibility. Owning your choices. Recognizing that a negative attitude will bring about negative results.

Like I said, Joe was a good guy.

And he’s lost 81 pounds on Weight Watchers. We have a bond!

Speaking of which…

I’m up again this week. Ate like utter and complete shit this weekend while sweetanne was here, and paid the price at the scale. I’m back up to 250 pounds. I think my low point has been 233.

This shit has got to stop.

So I’m going to do something here I haven’t done yet. This is a hard thing for me to ask, and it’s even harder for those of you I am asking it of. Why? Because it’s very easy to get me into defensive mode by doing this.

Try and help me out, ok gang?

I don’t want food police. But if there is a group food event or something and I’m being invited, can we try and do it healthy for a while? Stay away from Buffets and late night fast food excursions? I may be asking a lot, and if it’s too much I understand, but I need some time to find my focus again, and not being tempted to the dark side will help me with that.

I’m scared now. Scared I’m going to keep slipping. I can’t get big again. I just can’t. I won’t let myself live that way, because that wasn’t living.

That’s it for now. Going to go hit the pipe for a while.