Link courtesy of Anderz Printz via flickr.

So.

It has been a while since I posted here. Two months to the day, actually. After making all these bold statements about how I was changing the way the site was going to be presented and talked about how things were going to be different I just kind of…went away.

I wonder how many of you I even have left at this point?

I wish I could say that the reason I’ve been gone is because I’ve been so busy whipping my ass into shape that I couldn’t even squeeze time to write a post because I was too busy squeezing awesome out of every second of my day.

I wish I could say that.

I can’t.

Truth is? I’m struggling, friends.

Back in November of last year Weight Watchers made major changes to the Points system that I have been following for over 10 years. The new PointsPlus system radically changed the program and everything I knew about it. What had gone from being glamorized calorie counting program had become a considerably more complex system where the nutritional value of food was a key factor in how much it cost you. No longer were you able to look at a 100 calorie apple and a 100 calorie snack pack and think “these two things are the same.” This makes sense, if you stop to think about it. If you’re trying to make nutritionally sound eating choices you should not look at a cookie and an apple in the same way.

The problem, for me, is that this change has completely thrown me for a loop. On November 4th, 2010 I weighed in at 245.2 pounds. Last night when I hit the scale I was 262.8.

In the interest of full disclosure I must point out a few things here. On November 3rd, 2010, I quit smoking cold turkey. I have not noticed that I have increased my eating habits as a result, but I know a lot of people gain weight after they quit. Weight Watchers also decided to reveal this program right before one of the worst times of year for dieters. I understand that they wanted it in place before the whole “New Year’s Resolution” surge, but for those of us who were already on the program it was two months of trying to get used to the changes while still trying to deal with the land mines associated with holiday parties. I have also been struggling with my exercise lately. Part of that has been a lack of motivation, but a bigger part has been the fact that for a month or more I have had some mysterious swelling going on in my left foot. I found out yesterday that I have inflamed tendons there and that it was likely the result of wearing the wrong shoes along with expensive orthopedic inserts from a kiosk that were totally wrong for me.

That’s what I get for trying to take the “cheap” way out, I suppose.

Even when you factor all of that in, though, the fact remains that I am having to learn a completely new way of thinking when it comes to my weight loss program. I used to say “a calorie is a calorie,” but that isn’t the case any more. As a result, one of the things that I’ve always gotten away with has become a problem for me. In my 10 years on Weight Watchers I had many, many weeks in which I just threw caution to the wind and ate what I wanted for an evening and it never was a problem for me. My catch phrase was “One bad night doesn’t erase six great days.”

Well…I’m not so sure that’s the case any more.

With all the “free” fruit that I’m eating now, along with a pretty significant increase in my daily PointsPlus target, I’ve come to the conclusion that Weight Watchers has eliminated a lot of the “wiggle room” that existed in the previous program. It really feels like the price of screwing up has gotten pretty steep, and the fact that it wasn’t before has always been one of the reasons why I loved the program so much.

I really don’t know. With all the other factors I listed earlier it’s been hard to get a really solid grasp on the program and how effective it is, but the truth here is that for the first time in 10 years I’m seriously wondering if it might not be time for me to try something different. I’m not there yet, but the thought has occurred to me. Several of my friends have had success using the LoseIt app for the iPhone, and if I can’t get my head around the new program and see positive results soon I may join them.

Unfortunately it will be at least a month before I can really devote my energies toward giving the new PointsPlus program a really fair shake. I’ve been told not to run or walk for exercise for the next two weeks, and when that’s done I am going on a two week training extravaganza in New York and Las Vegas that’s going to make it very difficult to eat properly and exercise. I’m going to try, but however things end up shaking out it certainly won’t be a “normal” situation.

In any case…This is a long way of saying I’m sorry for being so quiet, but I haven’t really had much positive to say. It’s hard to believe that at one point in my life 17 pounds was hardly noticeable, but the difference between 245 and 262 has been mentally crushing to me. I feel huge, uncomfortable, and none of my clothes are fitting properly. I’m feeling like a failure, which is an odd thing to say for someone who has lost as much as I have but that’s how I feel. I’m really trying to find my way again and get back my motivation, but it’s rough.

So, again my apologies. I am trying to find the motivation to post here more often, but the muse just hasn’t been there. I thought that those of you who were left deserved to know why.

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In something only slightly related to all of what I wrote above, I read a post today that I really empathized with and pretty much agree with 100%. I’ve never read The Rotund before today, but the author really has a refreshing outlook on body image and weight issues. You should totally check her out.