Back in the 1970’s actress Dena Dietrich became the face of Gaea personified when she warned us all that it wasn’t “nice to fool Mother Nature.” At the time she was doing so in an advertisement for margarine, but that phrase and the ominous warning lurking behind it has been a prevalent theme in our society as we have time and time again discovered scientific ways to disrupt the “natural order” of life. While it is undeniable that technology has improved the standard of living for mankind on our lovely planet, history has shown, again and again, how nature points out the folly of man. In the medical world, for example, our efforts to combat disease have in some cases resulted in viral strains that are immune to treatment and far more deadly than the original condition we were seeking to eliminate.

Drug resistant diseases may not be the only way in which Mother Nature is thumbing her nose at us for attempting to circumvent her rules, though. A new paper published by the University of Sheffield claims that the use of oral contraceptives could cause women to select “provider types” as mates, and that doing so may have a detrimental impact on the health of their children.

The researchers behind the study are concerned that women who disrupt their hormonal cycle may choose partners who they otherwise would not have chosen. They site studies indicating that during a normal reproductive cycle women have a “dual” sexuality.  When women are ovulating they are attracted to “good genes” (aggressive men with masculine, symmetrical features), but during the infertile phase they are attracted to mates who are, genetically, similar to their relatives or more feminine.

Geoffrey Miller, a professor from the University of Mexio, put it so bluntly that I just have to quote him directly –  “You fall in a long-term relationship with the caring, investing wimps and then you poach the good genes from the highest-status [masculine] guys. And the wimps hopefully make good stepdads and raise your kids.”

So, apparently, the ideal child rearing situation in Mr. Miller’s world is one in which a woman goes out and gets knocked up by a jock but marries and has her children raised by the president of the Chess club. The study also claims that women who use oral contraceptives are less attractive to men.

I think it is safe to say that I have a few problems with the conclusions in this study. They base some of their conclusions on a study conducted by Dr. Miller back in 2007 where he observed the earning patterns of 18 lap dance giving strippers through two of their menstrual cycles. The study, aptly referenced as the “lap dance study,” concluded that lap dancers who were ovulating earned $20 more per hour than their infertile co-workers.  Call me crazy, but I don’t really think that following 18 strippers for two months gives you enough of a statistical sample to draw conclusions about the mating behaviors of all humans. For that matter, I don’t agree with the conclusion that fertility makes a woman more or less attractive. It may increase her desire to actually have sex, but THAT factor would result in an increase in tips more readily than a man simply detecting somehow that she was fertile.

Needless to say I also have a problem with the assertion that provider types are wimps and somehow less desirable genetic donors. This continues to perpetuate the myth that smart, caring, people somehow cannot be physically fit and healthy (or, for that matter, that physically fit and healthy people cannot be smart and caring).  Admittedly I would likely be characterized as one of those “wimps” who would make a great step-parent, so it is safe to say that my opinion on the subject is a bit on the biased side. Perhaps I am wrong and there should be clinical trials on the “maladaptive side effects of Pill use on mate choice, attractiveness, relationship satisfaction, divorce probability and offspring health.” Maybe Mother Nature is tired of being fooled with and she’s enjoying one last laugh as our gene pool is slowly thinned out.

Or maybe, just maybe, the scientists behind this research should study sexuality outside of strip joints.