I’ve been thinking a lot lately about starting up a new Facebook account.
I deactivated my Facebook and Instagram accounts over two years ago. I did so for several reasons, most of them revolving around my mental health (i.e. if I wanted to stay sane I didn’t need to see the shit I was seeing on Facebook, particularly things involving my family). Many of those reasons are still valid today, and for the most part I can honestly say that I don’t feel like my life is lacking because I’m not using Meta products (I also deleted my Instagram and WhatsApp accounts. On top of the stress Facebook was causing I have serious issues with the business practices at Meta and have a hard time reconciling my use of their products when I truly believe they are making the world an uglier place).
However…
The number of times I’ve talked with people over the last few years and realized half way through the conversation that they were talking about major life events as if I had known about them because they were posted on Facebook is not insignificant. Divorces. Deaths. Births. You name it. Facebook has become so pervasive that everyone just assumes you are connected with them on it and that you know all the minute details of their life. Honestly, a lot of those details are things I don’t need or even want to know, but it’s very disconcerting to feel like people are living their lives assuming you know all about them when you don’t. The opposite is true. In some cases, I feel like I’ve stopped existing. Like people are genuinely surprised when they see or hear from me, as if the fact that I no longer show up in their feeds is the equivalent of having moved on to some other plane of existence.
Not being on Facebook and Instagram has also had the odd effect of having to jump through hoops to find out what’s going locally. Many small businesses in the area rely entirely on Facebook for their online presence, and if you don’t have an account you can’t see any of it. Want to see a menu at a local restaurant? Want to see what your favorite local band is doing? Want to get an updated on the latest Hurricane from Denis Phillips? You need a Facebook or Instagram account.
The thing that has impacted me the most, though, is that I feel I’ve become largely disconnected from the local theater scene. I’m incredibly grateful for the folks who have kept in touch with me and reach out to me about my availability to perform in upcoming productions (namely the artistic directors for LAB Theater and Jobsite), but I hardly ever hear about upcoming auditions or see what my peers are performing in locally. Much of this is the a direct result of local arts coverage in the media basically being wiped out over the last few years, but it also goes back to what I was saying about personal information – people just assume that if you know because you’re on Facebook, or that if you wanted to know you would be.
I’ve also basically lost the ability to promote my work among my social circles. I mean, I post about what I’m doing over on my Bluesky account, but I think like 3 local people are connected to me there. Same goes with the local theater Subreddit (amusingly, the person who set up that subreddit is also one of my few local Bluesky buddies). The counter argument here, though, is that most of the people I would re-connect with on Facebook are theater people already. If you don’t know, theater people are notoriously bad at actually seeing shows they aren’t involved in. I’m not entirely sure why, but I think it really boils down to that whole “you get tired of eating at the restaurant you work in” thing. When you have a break from being in a show the last thing you want to do is go to see one.
This is all a very long way of saying I have no idea what I’m going to do. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that staying the course is the right choice. The benefits of being on those platforms are far outweighed by the negatives, and the last thing I need is yet another reason to stay tied to my devices. It’s not a completely painless choice, but I think it’s the right one for me.
This leads me to a question, though – For those of you who actually read my blog, would you be interested in updates about my upcoming shows? Should I focus on promoting myself here? I’d really be curious to know.
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Always interested in your blogs and what you’re up to. Perhaps I’ll get the courage to do what you’ve done (the only app I have is FB). The reasons I haven’t directly tie nto your blog, especially now that I am in a new place/market. But I find i have to be careful on that space for my mental health.
I certainly know reasons why Facebook is even more of a minefield for you than it is for me in terms of social groups. There are things your peers don’t see eye-to-eye with you on. Quite…vociferously…I must say. Honestly, that factors into my decision to leave as well. While I may align with some folks politically, the screaming rage-bait posts just wore me down.
The frank improvement in my mental state has absolutely been worth the discomfort. Some older and more distributed people in my family are still somewhat annoyed about this, but I can live with that.
I was never a WhatsApp or Instagram person so that’s not an issue.
That being said, you and I don’t see each other enough. Some of that is age and other things, but I do enjoy your writing and content.
Thanks, man. Getting old sucks. I didn’t realize you left Facebook as well.
If you want to do promotion, you have to be where people are. Few people will check out an individual blog for updates on your theater work.
I only saw this because the algorithm gave it to me on LinkedIn.
Facebook, Instagram, and probably TikTok are where you need to be for broad-based promotion into networks that care to know what is up with you.
I enjoy Facebook and I also hide a lot of people. I focus mostly on entertaining people with my geek, Gator, and self-deprecating stuff to generate engagement. Then I post business stuff because it hits better. It’s pretty easy to ignore and mute intense political people.
But if you’re morally opposed to Meta, then you makes your choices and pays your prices.
I do miss the handful of friends who have departed for BlueSky and have wandered over there on occasion, and I find it far worse than Facebook. YMMV
See, that’s just it. I’m not sure that my audience is on Facebook or Instagram. Like I said in the post, many of my peers are actors, I don’t connect to co-workers, and I can probably count on two hands the number of friends I have who actually make it out to my shows (not throwing shade…it’s just the reality). I’ve had more success getting folks to come to my shows setting up a private event in a meetup group (interestingly, when I didn’t set up the event and just told people about it I got nothing).
I am curious about your experience with Bluesky and how it’s somehow worse than Facebook, though. Care to elaborate? I’m going to guess it’s about politics.
For the reasons you site I’ve never had those socials. Other than Pinterest and YouTube LinkedIn was my first venture into the socials. And as you can see by the date of my post I’m not very active. Plus my AOL that I always get giggles from people when they hear it! But I too have thought about adding these sites as some people or organizations push me to have these accounts. Still contemplating. Negativity may not be a personal attack but just something that gives me anxiety and takes me to a place I don’t want to live. However I do enjoy hearing about your shows. I like learning about the “ real life” things outside of the arena of where I have met people.