Things that go through my mind as I try not to fall asleep at my desk…

Gorey Stories marks my ninth production with Jobsite.

I have played a father, a robot, a black butler, a gay man, a really sleazy cop, the corpse of that cop possessed by an alien, Frankenstein’s Monster, a corporate yes man, a bumbling sidekick, a mentally retarded man who loves doughnuts, a guy who gambles on dreams, and another butler…a very white one, though.

I have died or been killed on the Jobsite stage nine times, four of those deaths in the same show.  I have killed one person, shot one after a blackout, and had a younger version of myself kill another. 

I have been in two of the three musicals that Jobsite has put on, and I had a solo in one show that was not a musical.

I have never playeda “romantic” role in a Jobsite show, but the relationship between Norman and Shiela in The Boys Next Door was probably, in the grand scheme of things, a much more satisfying type of relationship to portray.  The dance scene and their “kiss” are still two of my favorite on-stage moments ever.

I have eaten approximately 20 cans of cheap, room temperature deviled ham on stage.  

I will never eat deviled ham again.

I have, in the nine shows I’ve done, been partially responsible for one performance having to be canceled.  The lead and I, in different cars, got stuck on the Howard Franklin Bridge after a horrible car accident.  The traffic on the bridge didn’t start moving until 15 minutes after the show had been scheduled to start.

I almost, however, caused a show to start late by somehow convincing myself that a Sunday matinee show started at 5PM and that my call was at 4PM.  For the record, Sunday Matinee shows start at 4 PM.  Fortunately, I was planning to be “early” that day and actually made it in time for the show to start as scheduled.

In order to “get us used to the idea of being lovers” Ami Corley had Shawn Paonessa and I hold hands and walk around together for an entire rehearsal.  I really think she did it because she thought it was funny.

Despite the fact that he didn’t seem to actually like the play, the theater critic for Creative Loafing said that attending a performance of The Boys Next Door was “like participating in a ‘Who’s Who of Bay area theater” and that our work included “some of the best performances of the current theater season.”

I tend to drop that last little tidbit a lot, because it’s one of the nicest things a critic has ever said about me.  It’s a far cry from his mention of my performance in Maxwell : A New Rock Opera by Joe Popp which was limited to complaining that I was not nearly old enough to be playing the main character’s father.

My character in Delusion of Darkness was so vile that I had several people walk out of the show after he showed up.  At least, I’m hoping it was the character. 

Umm…I think that’s all I’ve got for the moment. 

5 PM needs to be here now.