Time

CW: Suicide, Death, Cancer

A few weeks ago I realized I was uncharacteristically sad. I couldn’t quite piece out why that was for a few hours, but it eventually hit me. It had been a few days since the 20th anniversary of my fathers death. In what was truly a random coincidence, I was listening to an audio book about the recording of the Johnny Cash album At Folsom, and I very much associate my father with Johnny Cash. One of the reasons why the Cash cover of Hurt hits me so hard is the connection between the music my Dad listened to and the music I listened to, not to mention the fact that the song, as Cash interpreted it, is about his lifelong struggle with addiction. Dad did as well, and it was one of the the major contributors to the cancer that took his life.

He types, as he takes a moment to sip from the glass of Irish Whiskey that sits on the desk in front of him.

1999 was a hell of a year. Dad died, I put a down payment on a house with my share of the inheritance that we got, and a few days after moving in I found out that my wife at the time was hot and heavy for my best friend.

The other day was also the six month anniversary of Christopher taking his life. The two incidents are not related, but I’m just a little preoccupied by milestones at the moment. Sometimes it feels like it happened years ago. Sometimes I can’t believe so much time has gone by. A few months ago I started seeing a therapist to help me sort out my issues as they relate to his death. It’s been a very long time since I’ve seen a therapist, and as I’ve been working with him I have discovered that there’s a lot of stuff in my past that I really haven’t taken the time to address.

Prime Example: I’ve never given a second thought to the fact that the earliest memory I have is of the night my Father left, and him screaming from the front yard that he would see my Mother and her “fucking kids” in court. Turns out that children who come from households where alcoholism is a thing tend to not remember much about growing up in them. Self-defense thing, I suppose. The more I’ve talked with my counselor about things that happened to me growing up, the more I realize that I had some fairly extraordinary, and traumatic, events that formed who I am today and I’ve never really given myself permission to be a little messed up over that fact. These conversations came up in sessions around the anniversary of Dads passing as well, so that was a factor.

My son, Alexander, is 23 now. He’s the same age I was when he was born. He’s also a few months older than I was when Dad died (I was still 22 back in July of ’99). He seems so young. Back then, I felt so old.

I feel so much older now.

I am, of course, responsible for much of that. I have not been taking care of myself properly, and it’s showing. The irony is that, from a weight perspective, I am and have consistently been at the lowest weight in my entire adult life for a very long time now. But I have not been managing my diabetes properly, and a few weeks ago I had my first major scare from that angle. I lost sensation in my left leg from the knee down. It’s gotten much better, but it still has not fully repaired itself. I worry that the damage may be permanent.

I have a good life. I have a damned good life. I love my wife and my son more than I can possibly express. I have a great job that very often makes me feel like I’m making a positive change in the lives of people around me. I’ve got good friends, and I have been able to satisfy my artistic side through acting professionally for 18 years. When I really stop to think about it I am downright gobsmacked by how good I’ve got it.

But there are occasions when Time just decides to rear its ugly head and rain on my parade.

Is it SAFe?

When I look at the diagram above, I get an absolute headache. Yes, I’m one of those agilists who sees the Scaled Agile Framework diagram and wants to absolutely claw his eyes out. Nothing in the above screams “Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools” to me, and when I think about the level of bureaucracy needed to support something as bulky as what is seen in this picture I want to run screaming.

So, it might come as a bit of shock to know that I arranged at Leading SAFe 4.0 certification class at our organization last week. I recognize the fact that the structures around SAFe are very comforting to people who are trying to transition from a command and control mindset, and I have been challenged by my mentors to learn more about things that are counter to what I believe. You know, that whole “seek first to understand, then be understood” practice that is part of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People mindset. I’ve previously taken Scrum@Scale training, and (like Scrum) itself it really resounded with me, but several of the members of our transformation team really like the SAFe model. With all of that in mind, I set about to get a better understanding of how SAFe works, and as a result I am, as of yesterday, a certified SAFe Agilist.

That, coupled with all my other certifications and $5.00, gets me the proverbial cup of coffee at Starbucks, and not even a venti one.

While I’m still skeptical about how something this complex would work in our relatively small organization (our back-office staff is somewhere around 150-200 people), I must admit that the framework isn’t all that bad. It’s clear that the creators really did design it with the Agile Manifesto in mind, and throughout the course of our two-day training I saw many things that directly referenced back to it. One of which has been top of mind for me lately.

See, in our organization we’re currently at a state where we have been “doing” Agile for several years now. We’ve got teams outside of IT using it. We have area leaders and executives involved in the process. We’ve got a corporate Agile vision statement, and we’re working closely to align the objectives of the organization with Agile practices. It’s all great stuff, and I’m very proud of the progress we’ve made, but as we bring more and more people into the fold, the question of “how do we know we are successful” keeps cropping up. As the Enterprise Agile Coach, this is a particularly vexing question for me. People look to me to explain to them how we know Agile is “right” for us, and they want objective evidence to back up when I say that it is. This frequently results in questions about what metrics we can use to show success, and I loathe metrics. Well, let me quantify that statement. I think metrics are fine as learning tools. I think metrics can give teams data to use to improve. I’m not so anti-metric that I think the practice of collecting data is worthless, but I do believe that metrics can very, very easily be distorted and become useless. I can’t tell you the number of meetings that I have sat in where a person who was presenting a metric did so by opening with “now keep in mind that…” and proceeding to explain why, exactly, the metric they were sharing was completely inaccurate and shouldn’t really be a factor in judging success (“but it will be better next quarter”). When you’re talking about team metrics? Forget it. Measure a team by number of lines of code completed? They add unnecessary code. Tell a team they should increase their velocity? Suddenly all the user stories that would have been 3’s become 5’s.

This is why, in the manifesto, there is a principle that specifically addresses what “success” looks like in an Agile environment –

Working software is the primary measure of progress.

There it is. Simple. Clean. Straightforward. If your team is consistently putting out quality work, the things you are doing are working.

What does all this have to do with SAFe? One of the things I learned in our class, and one of the things that made me think that maybe SAFe wasn’t quite the monstrosity that I thought it was, is the fact that in the SAFe world the ultimate measure of success is the System Demo.

The one real measure of value, velocity, and progress is the demo of the fully integrated work from all the teams during the prior iteration.

Not velocity.

Not burndowns.

Not ROI, or ROA, or lines of code created, or number of tests passed.

Fully integrated work.

Teams getting things done.

I still take issue with the fact that, in both the SAFe model and Scrum@Scale, there is an insistence that all the teams be doing the work in the same manner (although SAFe did recently concede that some teams could potentially use Kanban instead of Scrum). Frankly, I take issue with a lot of the things that SAFe says you “have” to do to be successful (prescriptive Agile makes me break out in hives), but it gives me hope that they at least acknowledge the fact that no metric in the world shows success better than teams producing quality work.

Agile isn’t a checklist, and your organization will never “be” Agile if all you are focusing on is whether or not you can complete a menu of items and say “yep, we did these things.” Some teams are going to thrive using Scrum. Some will do better with Kanban. Some might just adopt XP practices, or come up with their own way of doing things that works for them. That’s ok. That’s great! The Agile Manifesto doesn’t say anything about following a set of practices. What it says is that, in the end, if the team is delivering value on a regular basis you should get out of their way and let them keep doing it.

Don’t even get me started on how to define “value,” though…