We’re a bunch of spoiled assholes

I’ve recently come to the realization that I have never owned a pair of pants that fit me properly. This is largely due to the fact that it is nigh on impossible for me to find the “proper” cut of pants in a retail store. I have a large waist, wide hips, and I’m tall. Most retailers seem to think that if you’re overweight you have to be short, so in order to avoid having a horrible case of “moose knuckle” I wear my pants low on my hips, under my belly. This is fine in most situations, but if I wear a shirt tucked in I get a horrible case of Dunlap’s Disease. In researching my dilemma online it appears as though the solution to my problem lies in a pants with a high “rise.” They have an extra inch of length between the crotch and the waist line to give the boys more room and prevent the dreaded moose knuckle.

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Distracting from the show

Shortly after I graduated from high school my friends DeWayne Bowen, Jeff Morgan and I decided that we were going to go to work for the Walt Disney World Resort. Jeff was already working there part-time as a character actor, and he told DeWayne and I that we could come and stay with him in Lakeland and his grandparents place. He was house sitting for them over the summer and we figured we could spend a few months working and raising money before they came back to town. I was leaving for Alabama in the Fall anyway, so for me it was the perfect idea for a summer job.

I didn’t actually HAVE a job at the resort when I moved my stuff over to Lakeland. I was 17, and I think that at that age you are legally required to perform every action with as little though and planning as possible. The bottom line was that I wanted to get a job at Disney World, so obviously it was going to happen.

Turns out I was right…Mostly.

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The Rich Man Disease

Earlier this year I made the decision to get back into running. I had never officially gotten out of it, to be honest, but my routine had seriously fallen by the wayside. I made the commitment to re-start the Couch to 5k program from CoolRunning.com, and with the exception of one run managed to do so. While I never got really good at it as far as speed or distance were concerned, I love running and it made me very happy to think that I would be back to doing so again several times a week.

Right around the time I finished the program, though, I noticed that my left foot had some weird swelling issues going on. The longer I wore shoes the more swollen my foot got. It wasn’t ever horribly painful, but it was very annoying and uncomfortable. I backed off the running for a bit to see if that helped the situation, but there wasn’t any significant improvement. I went to an urgent care clinic to have it checked out and they gave me some anti-inflammatory pills but the situation did not improve. I eventually went to see a foot specialist who took an MRI of my left foot and pointed out that I had inflamed tendons. He made me wear a god-awful brace for two weeks and had me get some blood work drawn. When I went back a few weeks later the swelling was still there, although it had gone down a bit. The blood work was back, though, and the initial results seemed to indicate that I had gout.

I just had my follow up appointment. After a month of being on daily medication to treat gout and a week of giving up alcohol and animal proteins (I spent two weeks in NYC and Vegas right after my initial diagnosis…not the best way to start healthy living), my uric acid levels have barely moved. There is no question. I have gout. I am in the middle of a flare-up right now on my right foot. During my visit today the doctor says that the gout has resulted in a level of arthritis in both of my feet, and that it has also done permanent damage to the joints on both of my big toes (the right being the worst one…my range of motion is minimal on that toe). I have had my medication dosage doubled, and I’ve ordered a $300 orthotic shoe insert to help alleviate the pain and any future damage that this condition may do to my joints.

To say that I am feeling frustrated, angry, and depressed over this situation would be a huge understatement. I have done my best to lead a healthy life for over 10 years now. I exercise on a regular basis, I don’t drink often, I eat my fruits and vegetables…hell, I even quit smoking back in November. Still, my body continues to betray me with conditions that are incurable. First Roseacea, now Gout. Not fatal conditions, but not shit I can fix either. Both of them conditions commonly associated with alcoholics as well, and while I enjoy a good drink as much as the next person my family will attest that I am FAR from an alcoholic.

I’m not gonna lie…There’ sa part of me that just wants to say “fuck it” and give up this whole healthy living thing. If I’m going to be in pain and miserable I may as well be enjoying myself, right?

I don’t mean that…but it’s how I feel. I’ll get over it soon enough, but right now I’m kinda having a first world pity party.

The Rainbow Hippie Argument

Love the trees!

Image courtesy of mendhak via flickr

Back in the Summer of 1992 I was working my one, and only, renaissance festival. What is amusing about this is that the show was not, in fact, the one I had grown up around. Despite being closely tied to the Bay Area Renaissance Festival for many years, the only gig I’ve ever actually been an official cast member at was Scarborough Faire in Waxahachie, Texas.

Like many folks who traveled and worked with the renaissance festival circuit, I set up a tent in the woods back behind the festival grounds to live in during the time I was employed at the show. The small section I “lived” in during that time was populated by myself, my friends Holly and Donnie, and a Rainbow Hippie.

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Leaving Las Vegas

If I told you I was going to send you on a trip that would involve spending a week in New York City followed by a week in Las Vegas you’d probably think that was going to be pretty cool. I sure did. For a while there it was. I can honestly say, though, that after two weeks I’m ready to go home.

I’ve been taking part in some pretty intensive training to help me get up to speed on some of the technologies that we’re adapting at work. I spent five days in New York learning about C# and 7 days in Vegas learning about accessing data and building web applications in Visual Studio 2010 with .NET. The New York leg of the journey was pretty awesome, both from a learning and playing perspective. Vegas, however, has completely kicked my ass. 10 hour days on stuff that’s either really difficult to wrap your head around or mind-numbingly easy mixed with the insanity that is the Las Vegas strip. The resort we are staying at is right behind the Hooters hotel on the South end of the main strip, and the whole environment outside of our little resort is just nuts. Hell, it’s a little crazy here. I’m sitting right next to a window that is looking out over the pool in the resort, and as the week went on the parties our there got progressively louder and more raucous (I note with no small amount of amusement, however, that so far it’s pretty dead out there on this lovely Sunday morning…I guess everyone is still recovering from the parties of the previous evening).

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Hot Tub WTF

Since I’ve been stuck between the choice of hanging out in my hotel room or gambling I opted for the former and decided to check out “Hot Tub Time Machine” the other night. On the whole I enjoyed it for what it was. It was kind of nice to see John Cusak back in the silly, juvenile type of comedies that I came to know and love him in. It was raunchy at times, really gross at others, it had some boobies in it, and a few points where I laughed out loud. Certainly not the best movie I have ever seen, but far from the worst.

BUT…

I have a real problem with the ending. A statement like this is often accompanied by a Spoiler Alert, so here is yours.

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Here there be cactii

Sometimes I worry that I’m a bit too much of “that guy.” I’m currently sitting pool side at the hotel I’m staying at in Phoenix, Arizona for the NOREX International Roundtable. I’m wearing the standard black t-shirt with the nerdy saying on it, working on my computer, and sitting in the shade. I haven’t gone anywhere near the water or the pasty older folks who are part of the conference and frolicking in it. I’m not even drinking right now, settling instead for a tasty bottle of Fiji water.

Truth is, though, that even sitting here in the shade with my sunglasses on I’m getting a headache. That might be a result of trying to strain through my sunglasses to see the screen, or it could just be because I’m slowly but surely turning into Gollum.

Time will tell, precious.

From a “fun things to do when not in the conference” perspective this trip has kind of been a bust. My foot is currently gimped thanks to the fact that I was running with the wrong shoes for several months. I have inflamed tendons in my left foot and I’m wearing a compression sock and a splint. I can’t run. I can’t even walk all that far. I am surrounded on all sides by beautiful desert landscape and I can’t explore any of it. That, of course, is also part of the problem. I’m surrounded on all sides by desert. The only thing here to do is go to the casino next door,and I’m not really a gambler. I’ve been spending the daily credit that they gave me, but that’s about it.

Oh. I’m also not in the pool because I forgot my swimsuit and all I have is my cargo shorts and that’s really kind of ghetto.

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The silence of shame

Link courtesy of Anderz Printz via flickr.

So.

It has been a while since I posted here. Two months to the day, actually. After making all these bold statements about how I was changing the way the site was going to be presented and talked about how things were going to be different I just kind of…went away.

I wonder how many of you I even have left at this point?

I wish I could say that the reason I’ve been gone is because I’ve been so busy whipping my ass into shape that I couldn’t even squeeze time to write a post because I was too busy squeezing awesome out of every second of my day.

I wish I could say that.

I can’t.

Truth is? I’m struggling, friends.

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Best. Corned. Beef. And. Cabbage. EVAR.

St. Patrick’s Day is right around the corner, and as I’m a person with a “Mc” in front of his last name I believe I am legally obligated to eat Corned Beef and Cabbage while drinking beer on that day. I’m pretty sure the Irish Mafia will come take me out if I don’t or something. In any case, I found a recipe a VERY long time ago for pretty much the greatest corned beef and cabbage I have ever had. It was in a book called All Around The World Cooking by Sheila Lukins, which is apparently out of print so I don’t feel bad about posting the recipe here (I can’t say that fact really comes as much a surprise to me, as this is one of the cookbooks I lost in my divorce back in 2001).

And now, without further ado, the recipe of awesomeness…

  • 1 lean corned beef brisket (4 to 5 pounds)
  • 3 medium onions, peeled
  • 9 whole cloves garlic, peeled
  • 4 ribs of celery, with leaves
  • 14 carrots, peeled, 6 halved and 8 cut into 2-inch lengths
  • 6 flat-leaf parsley sprigs
  • 2 tablespoons distilled white vinegar
  • Strips of whole peel from 1 orange, pith removed
  • 16 small new red potatoes
  • 8 medium leeks (2 inches green left on), roots trimmed, rinsed well
  • 1 medium-sized green cabbage (3 to 3 1/2 pounds), cored and cut into 8 wedges
  • Salt and coarsely ground black pepper, to taste
  • 4 tablespoons coarsely chopped flat-leaf parsley

1. Rinse the corned beef and pat dry. Place in a large ovenproof casserole. Stud each onion with 3 cloves and add to the casserole along with the 6 halved carrots, the garlic, celery, parsley sprigs, and orange peel.

2. Cover the meat with vegetables and cold water and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium and simmer, partially covered, until the meat is very tender, about 3 hours. Skim off any foam and turn the meat every 30 minutes. When the meat can easily be pierced with a fork, it is done. Remove to a plate, cover with aluminum foil, and keep warm.

3. Meanwhile, trim the roots and tough outer leaves from the leeks and discard. Trim the remaining leaves to about 2 inches and cut the leeks in half lengthwise. Stir the vinegar into a large bowl of water, add the leeks, and leave for about 30 minutes. Then rinse and drain the leeks.

4. Strain the broth and return it to the casserole. Discard the cooked vegetables. Add the potatoes, leeks, cabbage, 8 cut-up carrots, salt, and pepper. Bring the broth to a boil, then simmer uncovered over medium heat until the vegetables are tender, about 30 minutes. Stir in 2 tablespoons of the parsley.

5. Before serving, slice the corned beef and place on a large decorative serving platter. Arrange the vegetables around the corned beef. Ladle some hot broth over all to moisten. Sprinkle with the remaining parsley. At this point the recipe says to serve with two sauces that follow in the cook book, but I do not have those recipes. I generally just serve it with horseradish sauce, if I serve it with any sauce at all. It stands perfectly well on its own.


Cable Anxiety

I recently made the decision to cut the cable cord in our household and convert all of our televisions over to internet and over-the-air programming. By dropping cable television and our cable based phone service (all four of us have cellular phones) I’ll be saving about $135 a month. I spent about $300 on equipment needed to facilitate this transition, which I figure I will make up in about 4 months of not having to pay the monthly bill (I will still be paying $20 a month for Netflix and Hulu Plus).

What’s surprised me the most about all of this is how much anxiety the decision has caused me.

It’s interesting, isn’t it? I’ve had cable television since I was very, very young. We were one of the first families on our block to have cable, and it has never been an option NOT to have cable in a household I lived in. I’ve lived with having cable so long that I’ve gotten to the point where I feel like it’s something I “have” to have as opposed to something I “want” to have.

Isn’t that strange?

I’ve actually found myself wondering if I’m doing the “right thing.” Yes, those exact words went through my head. The “right thing.” Like it could possibly be some kind of monumental mistake to cancel our cable television and phone service.

I wonder if it’s not one of many signs of how hard we’re pushed to consider these kind of things necessities by “the man.”

In any case, the transition continues apace. I have one more television left to hook up the antenna to and after that we’re pretty much done with cable. I’ll just need to return the equipment. We will undoubtedly miss having access to Bay News 9, but I can no longer justify spending that kind of money for 10 minutes of news every night. Besides, I’ve already found a 24 hours weather broadcast channel from one of the local stations.