He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, senseless brutality, deplorable love-of-country stance, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action! It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder.

-Albert Einstein

Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind… War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious objector enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today.

-John F. Kennedy

Next the statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those conscience-soothing falsities, and will diligently study them, and refuse to examine any refutations of them; and thus he will by and by convince himself that the war is just, and will thank God for the better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque self-deception.

-Mark Twain, “The Mysterious Stranger”

“Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword.”

– Matt. 26:52

’nuff said.

Much to my dismay, I realized today that my hot tub is indeed leaking (you were right, K). The drain spigot has a slow leak. That’s one more thing wrong with it. The timer still doesn’t work, it trips off after running for X amount of hours, and the heating element barely warms that damn thing up. Top it all off with the fact that I hardly ever check the chemicals, and I’m really starting to wonder if I should just yank the fucking thing out of there.

Well…damn.

Something I just coded that I was quite unsure was going to work the way I wanted it to worked flawlessly the first time.

And there is nobody here to see my “Go Me!” dance.

harrumph

Dancing puppets make me giggle.

Emote this

Ganked from hazelbite.

This is some funny shit.

I am officially uber depressed now.

I’m up another seven pounds.

Now the tricky part…to avoid depression based binge eating.

…is good news. I hope. Been about an hour and a half since I heard from her last.

Come on, universe. Let’s hit one for the home team. She’s taken enough shit recently, ok?

I’ve got to go to Weight Watchers tonight. It’s very, very important that I go.

You see, I’ve missed the last two meetings in a row.

This is bad. This is very bad. It’s part of a trend that I am not happy with at all. This now makes for a grand total of four meetings that I have missed. Mind you, that is over a course of 2 years and 10 months, BUT..they all occurred within the last few months.

You know the worst part? When I’ve cheated, or missed a meeting…It hasn’t been an “unconscious” thing. I’ve known exactly what I was doing, and been telling myself how stupid it was when I was doing so. Did it anyway, though.

I have not, however, totally backslid. I still drink water more often than not for my beverage of choice. I haven’t gone back to stopping at Hardee’s every morning for three steak biscuits. I’m not getting a sub, two sodas, and a candy bar for lunch every day. I’m not going through a twelve pack of coke every other day. I’m hardly eating any red meat. I’m still buying light microwave popcorn instead of the movie theater butter kind that I love so.

Things are still much better than they could be.

But they aren’t as good as they were, and some of my clothes have started getting a bit snug again. I can still get into them, but they are suddenly pinching and constricting in places that they were not doing so before.

I walked today. Walked Monday. Did not walk yesterday. Had a good day food wise yesterday until last night, when I broke into the peanut butter. I didn’t go too crazy there, but peanut butter has a LOT of fat.

I know, I know. I did a lot. My last weigh in had me at 253 pounds. I started at 419. It’s a lot of weight to lose, and I should be proud, and I am.

But I’m terrified of stepping on that scale tonight. I have a pass that let’s me skip weigh in, and I am tempted to use it, but I really think I need to know. I need to see how bad it’s gotten. Maybe it will be a good shock to the system. Of course, I could have maintained or lost and be worrying for nothing as well.

I’m going to find out tonight.

I really, really wanted to be 225 by Dragon Con. It didn’t happen. I pushed it back to my birthday. That is in a month. A healthy person doesn’t lose 25 pounds in a month, so I don’t see that happening either.

Two months? Can I get there by Thanksgiving and be ready to take on the holidays?

I still need new clothes. I’m tired of mine, and I’ve been feeling more and more recently that I dress like a complete dork.

Oh, by the way…I didn’t take my Wellbutrin with me to Jacksonville last week and it was out of my system for 3 days…Those of you who have been reading my journal for a while know what that does to me. I managed to not get to the point where I was shaking like a junkie on the wagon, but I’m feeling a bit buggy…So…take all of what I am writing here with a big grain of salt.

I have a four day weekend ahead of me, and I am spending it with netgoth. That’s an incredibly bright spot amidst the blah that is my current mood.

Feh. I need to get back to work.