No Whoa

Just thought I’d post and update to this.

I got a post card in the mail today. I haven’t read it myself, but from what K. told me the gist is essentially “thanks, but no thanks.” I can’t say I’m that surprised. The woman never got back with me after I called her with the information she requested, nor did she respond to multiple messages from my group leader. Frankly, I think that was pretty shitty of her. I’m not saying she should have gone out of her way to keep me in the loop, but a simple acknowledgement of the fact that she had everything she needed from me and had put my name in the hat would have been nice.

I’m trying very hard not to be upset about this.

It isn’t working very well.

It’s not that winning this contest would have been the end all, be all of my existence. If I really wanted to fly up to New York for a weekend I could do so on my own dime, and would probably have a lot more fun hanging out with my friends over the Duchess of York. And yeah, a 5K clothing spree would have been nice – but they likely would have gotten me a lot of clothes that I wouldn’t wear 9/10th’s of the time (as I highly doubt they would have let me go t-shirt shopping).

No, I’m not bummed over the fact that I didn’t win the stuff. I wanted to win for other reasons.

Let me be frank, here. Most of you didn’t know me when I was at my highest weight, and many of you who did have expressed having a hard time picturing me that big these days. Hell, I don’t remember it all that well. In fact, I have such a hard time remembering it that I’m starting to feel like my current weight is as inhibiting to me as my previous top end of roughly 420 pounds was.

In short, I’ve been feeling like I’m the fat guy again. I’ve started noticing it more keenly when I take up more space than the person next to me, or when my clothing looks wrong on me. When I see a gain on the scale, it’s damned near devastating. I’m having a hard time shaking off the “little gains” and keeping them from turning into bigger ones (evidenced by the fact that in the last month I’ve gained five pounds). Exercise? Something else I haven’t really done in a month. I started walking again this week, but the whole Yourself! Fitness thing seems to be completely trashed. I just can’t get the motivation together to turn it on.

It would have been nice to have some kind of external validation of what I’ve done. Something outside of what has become “normal” for me. I get a lot of support for what I’ve done, and continue to do, but…Shit…It’s just so hard to keep the level of dedication that is required for me to actually lose weight. I’ve done a fairly good job of staying in the same area, but I have a lot left to lose – and I need to do it. I need to, at least, get back down under 250. My self-esteem has taken a real fucking nose dive over the fact that I can’t seem to get off my ass enough to beat that number down again.

So yeah…it would have been nice to win. To have what I’ve done put under a national spotlight. To get some acknowledgement of what I’ve overcome.

Instead, I’m sitting her feeling like the response I got was “Sorry, but you’re still too fat.”

And I hate that.

Bleah.

Ok…lemme get this straight….

I haven’t been paying much attention, but…

They fired Brad Johnson, and replaced him with Chris Simms. Right?

That was done on purpose.

Brad didn’t choose to leave or something?

What an embarrassment.

Hear that? It's the sound of an oncoming train wreck

My daughter is on a mime team that seeks to honor those in the military. This is a song that they presented at the Vietnam Moving Wall display

Mimes.

White face and bright pink vests.

Honoring veterans.

By LIP SYNCING a song.

Comedy. Fucking. Gold.

What had me laughing the most was the fact that there is a fairly large crowd of people behind them…utterly and completely ignoring them.

Mimes.

Lip syncing.

I couldn’t make this stuff up, folks.

Stolen from oakenguy

Celebrations

On December 16th, 2006, I am going to be graduating with honors from the St. Petersburg College.

The degree is only an Associate of the Arts. No major. Nothing “special” about it. Just a plain old A.A.

But you know what? I’m proud of it. I’m proud of the fact that even though I’ve got a good career I stuck it out to get it. I’m proud that despite some major fuck ups I’m graduating with honors. I’m proud of the fact that I’ll be the first person in my immediate family to hold a college degree of any kind.

So, yes, I’m going to march. I’m going to put on the stupid gown and go through the pomp and circumstance of the ceremony and I’m going to have my picture taken in it and that night I’m going to throw a party.

More details will come out as the date approaches, but suffice it to say that most of you will be invited.

And yes, if ya wanna give me goofy graduation related presents and cards they will be well received…because I’m going to revel in the celebration that should have happened a long time ago.

So there.

I Just Don't Understand

Here in the Tampa Bay area, there is a serious lack of decent radio to listen to. I don’t happen to have the benefit of owning a sattelite radio receiver, so I’m stuck with whatever comes across the standard FM or AM dials. There are two Community stations that I enjoy, but unfortunately both of them have a great deal of programming that I just don’t care for. WUSF 89.7 touts itself as being an NPR station, but the bulk of their programming is actually classical music. WMNF 88.5 also has some NPR programming, as well as a large variety of local shows, but most of the stuff that I want to listen to comes on late at night. During the day it’s generally seems to be…well…granola eating hippie shit.

No offense to any granola eating hippies that might be on my friends list, but I don’t have a large threshold for the likes of Peter, Paul and Mary or The Grateful Dead.

I’m also a big fan of talk radio, largely because it’s not the same canned music being played over and over. Corporate Radio really is just a big ball of suck, especially here, with a few programming exceptions that are never on when I’m in my car (Sunday School on 97x, for example). When I’m in the car, I either want to hear good music that isn’t the same ten songs played over and over, or I want to listen to something that is going to keep me engaged. Talk radio fills the latter category nicely.

Unfortunately, the only talk radio here in the Tampa Bay area is a conservative quagmire that includes (but is not limited to) Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Todd Schnitt, Mark Levin, and (soon) Sean Hannity. This is just the lineup on ONE of the AM talk radio stations. There is another one here that includes the likes of Neal Boortz, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity (for now), and another local blowhard named Mark Larsen. I suppose the “saving grace” of that station, to my ears, would be Alan Colmes – but they put him on from midnight to 3AM. Again, not so much in line with my driving schedule at the moment (and when I’m on my way home from The Castle I’m not in a mood to listen to political talk).

The upshot of all this is that I subject myself to a whole bunch of absolutely ludicrous bullshit. I’ve always believed that you should “know your enemy,” especially in the political sense, so educating myself in what the other side of the philosophical coin is thinking has always been a priority for me. I cannot fathom, however, how these hosts – and the people who believe the way that they do – have gotten so utterly and completely disconnected from reality.

Let’s take, for example, the War on Terror.

Our President has no combat military experience. His Vice President has no military experience. The Secretary of Defense served in the United States Navy from 1954 to 1957 as a pilot and flight instructor. The Secretary of State has no military experience. And yet these people, somehow, are held to be authorities on how to fight a war – ignoring the advice of people actually IN the military, a former four star general and a man who actully WAS a prisoners of war (among others). What’s worse, when these dissenters actually voice their opinions it is said that they have a secret agenda. An agenda that actually includes HELPING the enemy.

Yes, if you criticize the administration you actually WANT the terrorists to win.

Rush Limbaugh doesn’t have the first clue how to fight a war, unless it’s a war for ratings. Glenn Beck? Todd Schnitt? Sean Hannity? Entertainers. People who have basically been involved in broadcasting in one way or other their entire adult lives. And yet, they tout themselves as experts on this subject because they have “done the research.” Bah. They aren’t experts any more than I am. The only difference between them and me is that I don’t have a microphone or advertisers, so I’ve got no motivation to keep my “listeners” happy.

Which is all it is.

That’s the sad part. These people are filling a whole bunch of people’s heads spin and they are only doing it to make a paycheck. If they believe the bile they spew it’s only because they’ve said it so many times they have convninced themselves. See, I used to know a guy by the name of Jay Marvin. At the time we met, he was a talk show host on 970WFLA back before they totally jumped over to the conservative side. I was in the studio with him once while he was on the air, and he was spouting off some crap that I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he did not believe.

When he went off the air I called him on it. He looked at me with a kind of condescending, “oh you naive kid” glance, and said “Critus, there is schtick and there is reality. Schtick is what pays my bills.”

It’s all schtick. It’s all designed to sell advertising and make money. Sure, it’s hurting the country and helping to fuel the fires of partisanship but who cares? It’s all about the bottom line, right?

It just makes me kind of sick to my stomach, you know? Not the hosts themselves – I know they are full of shit. But the people who call them. The folks who actually believe this shit. Who throw out terms like “raghead” or have an absolute conniption over the fact that, god forbid, a Muslim might be elected to Congress in November (never mind the fact that there are well over 1 million Americans who identify themselves as Muslims)

I dunno. I had more I wanted to say about this, but just writing about it makes me sad, so I’m gonna go do something important like work.

[Diet] – Weight Tracking Summary

Your current weight | 280.4 lbs
Weight change since your last recorded weight | +0.6 lbs
Total weight change to date | -138.8 lbs

Sigh.

Back up over 280 again. Not that I should really be surprised. I didn’t really start paying attention to my POINTS again until Monday, and I’m still not exercising.

Need to get back to it. Damnit.

Revelation

I have spent probably five times as much dealing with crap related to outside of World of Warcraft in the last few days then I have actually been able to spend playing.

And the time I’ve had to actually get into the game has been largely frustrating.

Hrm.