Category Archives: Personal Updates

A bit about my wonderful son.

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There are times when absolutely nothing in the world can top being a parent.

I just got finished putting my son to bed. We read from his favorite book, “Where The Sidewalk Ends” by Shel Silverstein. I don’t always read to him at night. Sometimes I’m too tired, or I have things to do, or I have a headache. I try to make it a habit, but sometimes it just doesn’t happen. Whenever I do, though, he is so grateful. He will jump up and down and shout “hooray!” like the greatest thing in the world just happened to him. I like Shel Silverstein, too. Unfortunately I didn’t really discover him until I was in high school (although I do seem to recall The Giving Tree).

Alex is sick right now, so after I read to him I gave him some medicine and rubbed Vicks Vap-O-Rub on his chest. I remember how soothing that was when I was a boy. How sometimes I almost WANTED to be sick so that my mother would put some on me. It’s yet another in a long line of magical moments that pass between parents and children. Small moments, but things that last a lifetime.

Christmas is coming, too. I’m so excited. I love Christmas, and it’s so much better with my son. Seeing how excited he is when he gets his presents. Taking him to see Santa Claus. Doing the cookies and milk thing. It makes ME feel like a child again. I’m going to lose sleep over Christmas, but not just because I’m wondering how on Earth I’m going to pay for all the stuff I get him, but because I’m EXCITED about giving it to him. Isn’t that amazing?

There’s no real point to this one, gang. No moral to this story. Snapshot of my thoughts on a Thursday evening. G’nite.

A feeble attempt at justification…

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I’m almost 100% certain at this point that absolutely nobody is reading my rant pages. I know my site isn’t getting any traffic. This has a lot to do with the fact that I registered on several major search engines months ago and I’m still not showing up. Makes you wonder who you have to kill to get listed on a search engine these days.

Note how this doesn’t stop me from writing something here anyway. Call is a small bit of mental masturbation, if you will. Maybe I like to see my “oh so deep” rants up on the web, even if it is just for me.

I want to talk about freedom here for a minute. I’m not talking about political freedom, or religious freedom, or freedom of the press (all of which are very important and dear to me). I’m talking about personal freedom. I’m talking about the ability to be the person you want to be without having to compromise your ideals. I’m talking about the ability to do what you want, when you want to, and not have someone tell you that you shouldn’t be doing it.

I’m talking about the kind of freedom that a teenager encounters when first moving out of their parents home.

I’m talking about the kind of freedom you remember when your wife leaves you.

Now, I know there are a lot of people who would read this and say “MY wife doesn’t do that to me. MY wife let’s me be my own person.” You know what? That’s great for you. MY wife didn’t. My wife constantly put herself and her desires and her tastes in front of mine and, being the person that I am, I let her do it. I spent five years being walked on. Five years of not being able to listen to music as loud as I want when I’m at home. Five years of being told that some of the movies that I like are “ugly.” Five years of not being able to express my political beliefs without it becoming an attack on her and having it start a big fight. Five years of my friends not inviting me to do things because “we knew she wouldn’t LET you go.”

Five years of my life.

I’m thinking about this now because there is a woman in Ft. Lauderdale who loves me. A woman who wants nothing more than to take care of me. A woman who has already expressed a desire to live with me for the rest of my days and who would want nothing more than to be Mrs. Michael McGreevy.

And a woman who I have almost nothing in common with.

I knew we didn’t have a lot in common before going into things, and in retrospect I should have spent more time dwelling on that before we got together. I thought my feelings were going to overcome our differences, though. I was wrong.

I realized this was going to be a problem after meeting her and, unfortunately, being intimate with her. This of course makes it look like all I was after was sex, which is entirely not the case. It wasn’t the sex that made me start thinking of things. It was the time we spent together when we weren’t having sex. It was the conversations, the observations, the subtle things that I wouldn’t have noticed before I was married.

I’m not going to go into detail about what I saw here. It really doesn’t matter, and it will probably come off as me trying to justify why I feel the way that I do. Suffice it to say that we come from some radically different backgrounds.

I feel like I’m not making much sense here. I hope that maybe she reads this one day, and that she understands. That’s probably more than I can expect, but it’s what I hope for.

Maybe one day I won’t feel like a complete asshole.

Won’t be any time soon, though.

Follow up to the reunion, and a brief mention of my seperation.

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I’ve been given a lot of shit for not following up to the reunion as soon as I could have. Ok, I wasn’t given a lot of shit, but one of you sent me an email asking about it, and since I have about 6 people that have visited the site, that is a pretty high percentage. So, with respect to those visitors, I now present MY REVIEW OF THE REUNION!

It was actually a lot of fun. I went with my old pal and web mistress, Eve. Who looked fabulous, by the way. In fact, if I can, I’ll post a picture of the two of us there. I have to get one from her.

I saw Bill Stanely, and he looks great. He’s doing great. Same with Christine Lavender (now McCellum). In fact, Eve and I went to her house afterwards. We spent most of the evening with her and Amy Allen, truth be told. It was nice. It was beyond nice. It was FUN! So for those of you who didn’t go from the class of 1990, you should make sure you go to the next one. It’s worth it.

In other news…

I’m sure several of you were expecting to see me go off here about the fact that my wife recently left here. I don’t have the energy. All I’m going to do to cover that particular area in my life you will find on my Ravings Of A Madman page. My feelings are summed up pretty well there.

And that’s all I’ve got to say about that…

Very few thoughts on Memorial Day and quite a few on my upcoming 10 year reunion.

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It’s the day after Memorial Day. Two days after we were supposed to celebrate it, but a day after technically. The day after we are supposed to reflect on our Veterans, both living and dead, and consider the sacrifices that they made for our country. A sad time, really. A time to dwell on death and loss and sacrifice. A time to honor those who did what many of us today either could not, or would not, do.

That’s not what is on my mind today, though.

What’s on my mind is the fact that, in less than two weeks, I will be attending my ten year High School Reunion.

Ok, ok! So I’m shallow and self-centered, but it’s true. If I REALLY think about it, I can find the ability to honor and remember our vets. Hell, my Father served two tours in vietnam! I just can’t stop thinking about this damn reunion, though.

So, for all of you vets, I’m sorry. The rest of this essay has nothing to do with you.

I wonder if all my Gibbs High School class of 1990 class mates are feeling the same way that I am right now. This whole reunion thing, it almost feels like I’m going to be a member of a beauty pageant. Like I’m going to be rated on how successful I am, or how good I look, or if I achieved all of my “dreams” from High School. Well, I can tell you one thing, if that’s the case, the judges will conclude that :

  • I am marginally successful, after a long time of not being so.
  • I look like hell.
  • Most of my dreams flew the coop faster then you can say “What do you mean it broke???”

But I know how to make a bulleted list…that’s one thing, I guess.

Just for the record, I have no bitterness whatsoever for my current status in life. My son means everything to me, and I would not trade him for the world. He has, at times, been the only thing that keeps me going, and as far as I’m concerned he is all the “success” I need in life.

I guess where all of this really comes from is that I’m starting to feel OLD. I realize that 27 going on 28 is not ancient by any means, but I’ve got a big factor counting against me that the normal 27 year old doesn’t have. I’m raising a 17 year old (No, I am not that much of a stud. She is my sister). It’s not that I don’t like her music (our tastes are pretty much the same in many ways), or her clothes (she dresses quite “normal”). It’s more my amazement at the lack of weight on her shoulders. We lost our Father last year. She also lost not one, but TWO friends soon afterwards. Three deaths, and it hasn’t even been a year yet since our Dad died. All of that, and she is still a generally happy kid. She still gets all stupid over her boyfriend and likes to hang out at the mall and “forget” to do her chores unless I remind her every weekend. Man, I envy that. I wish I could just accept life so readily. Just shrug it off and say “oh well, at least there is a new Jim Carrey movie coming out.” THAT’S what I see as being young, and let me tell ya, I certainly don’t feel young anymore.

So, the reunion. I’m going to see some people I haven’t seen in a LONG time. Some people I haven’t thought about in a long time. I’ve already seen a few names that brought back memories. Bill Stanley. Christime Lavendar. Dan Bruen. People I literally never saw again once the commencement ceremonies were over, but who were a part of my daily life for four years. Isn’t that amazing? God, I GREW UP with Bill Stanley. All the way from elementary school until graduation. I haven’t said the first word to him since we graduated, though, and to be honest I don’t know HOW I’m supposed to feel about that. Should I bemoaning my “lost youth” and making some sort of effort to reconnect with my past, or is it “just life” and something I should accept?

Ah well. It’s early yet, and I haven’t had my coffee. I AM looking forward to the reunion, and I hope that I get to see people like Bill Stanley. I hope he’s doing well, and even if he’s not I would never boast about my life or try to compare it to his. That’s not what I’m about, and I hope that’s not what the reunion is about. It’s about seeing some people who you miss, and maybe having an evening where you don’t have quite so much weight on your shoulders.

As long as everyone accepts that my kid is cooler than theirs, that is.