Category Archives: Personal Updates

The Road To Hell

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Sometimes people need to fail.

I know that’s kind of a weird concept these days. We live in a world where everyone gets a trophy and products are marketed to us because we “deserve” them. We live in a world where we have to be sensitive about the feelings of everyone around us, and where we have to be careful about everything we say because our comments might be offensive. American culture is perfectly reflected in our medicine – we’re all loaded up on antibiotics and over-sanitized, and as a result we’re starting to develop some pretty horrible diseases because we aren’t letting our systems build up the proper immunities.

This really isn’t new.

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Confessions of a Middle-Aged Member of Generation X

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S358_28142889665_850_no last week I turned 41.

This is kinda mind-blowing to me, as I am now officially “in” my forties. I’m no longer just 40. Oh, no. I have now fallen off the cliff into being middle-aged. That nebulous time when we’re supposed to be all grown up but we still don’t really know what the hell we are doing and we spend all of our time trying to get everyone around us not to see that.

It’s fun. No, really. I also enjoy playing the “what hurts this morning?” game and having to squint when I read small print. It’s just lovely.

I wasn’t inspired to write this post because of angst over my current age bracket, though. What actually got me to blow the dust off the old WordPress server was the decision to come clean about a few things.

You see, folks…In many ways I’m not your typical member of Generation X.

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Pictures

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13043_180464084665_5355595_nIf I was put on the spot and forced to choose, I would have to say that the picture here on the right is my favorite of all the pictures that have been taken of me in the last few years.

 

My mother took it a few years ago when we were spending a family weekend out at the Tradewinds resort on St. Petersburg Beach. It was one of those “snapped it at just the right time” pictures, as I looked up right as Mom took it. I’m comfortable, relaxed, not posing, and…thin.

Well, about as close to thin as I’ll likely ever be.

I don’t like the pictures that are being taken of me these days. I don’t like them because they are evidence of how far I’ve slid since that picture was taken. They are reminders of the fact that I’ve stopped running, hell that I hardly ever get off my ass to exercise these days. They are evidence that I’ve stopped paying close attention to what I eat, and I’ve gone back to my habit of twos (always ordering two of something, always have seconds, etc…). I don’t like them because they show, indisputably, the 60 pounds or so I’ve put on since it was taken.

I’ve talked at length about all the excuses I have for the weight I put on, my health “problems” being the primary culprit. I put “problems” in quotes because, really, the things that I’ve dealt with have been more annoying than anything else. I haven’t been incapacitated, just…inconvenienced.

I kept things up pretty well through the run of Biloxi Blues last year, but after that I went downhill pretty quickly. I could, of course, pull out other excuses for that. Oh, I dunno…like “major life changing events” maybe? This last year has been a roller coaster of extreme highs and extreme lows in my personal life. Some of that is still going on now, and there are still nights when bad food and alcohol are the only things that seem to bring any comfort. I started smoking again around February of last year as well. Because, you know, if you’re eating like shit, not exercising, and drinking too much? Ya might as well throw cigarettes back on the table while you’re at it, right?

I’ve managed to put the cigarettes back down again by replacing them with an e-cigarette, but beyond that? I’m still pretty much looking at starting over from scratch as far as my diet and exercise are concerned. No, I still haven’t put back on ALL the weight I lost after my strokes back in 2000 (I’m still 109 pounds less than I was back then), but I’ve put enough weight back on that I’m noticing it. A lot. Physically and mentally. I’m not moving around as well, and I’ve got aches and pains I haven’t had in years. Most of my clothes fit poorly, and the ones that fit properly have sizes on the tags that make me cringe.

Oh, and I hate having my picture taken.

So I suppose this is yet another in a long line of “I’m really trying to do something about this” posts. I’ve re-upped my membership at LA Fitness and sometime within in the next few weeks I’d really like to start training to run again. I’m especially motivated to do so because there’s a show coming up next year that I’d really like a shot at being in, but it’s another military role. In my current shape? Not thinking it would be very likely I get cast.

I guess…I dunno? Wish me luck?

A less than stellar ending to this post, I admit.

Revisionist History

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Damn it, Bones, you’re a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can’t be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They’re the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don’t want my pain taken away! I need my pain!

– Captain James Tiberius Kirk

I’ve been documenting the mundane details of my life online for a quite a while now. I originally started a hand-coded blog on my personal web site back in May of 2000. A few years later I moved over to LiveJournal, and for a while there I blogged just about every damn day. Honestly, though? Most of those blog posts had little more content than a standard Twitter post these days. Which is why, when Twitter came out, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that I’d make the jump to that particular service. For a while there I had a service that aggregated my twitter posts over to my LiveJournal blog every day, but back then people were getting all bitchy about that so I turned that feature off. In time, I signed up for Facebook and Google Plus, and as things started to get weird in LiveJournal land I decided to move my blog to WordPress and transfer all of the content over.

In the midst of all of this I also did some blogging for ShrinkGeek and WowInsider. I’m sure there’s other places out there that I’ve added content to as well, but damned if I know what all of them are.

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Apology Accepted!

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Well, I got another email from the folks over at www.costumes4less.com. This time from their Marketing Specialist.

My name is Candice, I’m the marketing specialist at Costumes4Less. I read you post about Costumes4Less and also talked to my management. Please accept our sincerest apologizes. Our SEO team is in the process of getting SPAMMy websites to remove any links to us. Our SEO team is only trying to remove links that they believe to be “unnatural” and clearly theyhave mistaked that with your post. I read your “Sexy Halloween History” and feel that you are spot on and I enjoyed your humor!! This email from our SEO dept should not have been sent to you. Thank you for bringing this to our attention.  We are taking actions to see why they made this mistake.  You do not need to remove the link. Once again please accept sincerest apologies from us.  Please email me with questions/concerns.  I’m also sorry to hear we won’t have your business if there is anything we can do to change your mind please let me know.  Thank you for your time and I’m so sorry for this mess!

As I said to Candice in my reply, I very much appreciate her reaching out to me and I accept their apology completely.

What I find most interesting about this is the fact that I didn’t contact the company directly at all. I never replied to the email requesting that the link be taken down.

OH GOD I’M BEING WATCHED.

It’s Not You, It’s Us (Or: Why You Aren’t Likely To Be Invited To Our Wedding)

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As most of our friends know at this point, Lisa and I are going to be married in the early part of 2013.

What you don’t know is that you probably aren’t going to be at the wedding.

This isn’t because we don’t like you. This isn’t because we don’t want to celebrate our marriage with our friends and family. This isn’t even because we are cheap and don’t want to spend the money necessary to have a big wedding.

There are several reasons, really. Logistics play into things quite heavily (namely the fact that there are travel arrangements involved, and I’m also likely to be in the middle of a show run when the event happens), as does the fact that both of us have been married before and don’t really feel the need to have a big, elaborate ceremony. The fact of the matter is that we’ve even discussed eloping on more than one occasion and the idea is incredibly appealing.

Ultimately, though, the reason we are keeping this as small is possible is because we want the focus of the day to be on us and our children. We want them to be involved, and we don’t want our focus pulled in 1,000 different directions worrying about food, guests, schedules, receptions, egos, and whether or not everyone knows how to do the Chicken Dance.

This ceremony is about them as much as it is about us, and THAT is where our focus is going to be.

As I said above, though, it’s not as though we don’t want to celebrate the occasion with our friends. Far from it. Some time after the actual ceremony we are going to throw a party. It will be a no-gifts-required-or-expected, casual, celebration of our vows. There will be food, drink, and (hopefully) great conversation. There will be cake. That, my friends, you’re likely to be part of. We sincerely hope you choose to be, anyway.

But the ceremony itself? Probably not.

We really hope you understand.

And so it goes…

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2011 is a few hours away from ending, and like twenty bazillion other people in the world I’m reflecting back on the previous year. For some reason I’ve decided that you, my faithful readers, may be interested in this.

I don’t know why.

Probably because I’m an egomaniac.

Yeah, that’s it.

So anyway…

Went back to school this year. That was pretty damn cool, even if I did have to go to an out of state school because the University of South Florida is run by a bunch of chode monkeys who wouldn’t even acknowledge me when I tried to appeal the fact that they rejected my application. Funny, that. One of the things they tell you when you go to a two-year college here in Florida is that if you graduate with your Associates degree you are guaranteed admission into any of the public four-year universities in the state. Turns out that simply isn’t true. Like, at all. In any case, I’ve been attending the University of Maryland University College and I’m doing quite well there. My grade point average is 3.65 and I’m on track to graduate with a Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Science in the Summer of 2014.

Work is…work? My company spent a lot of money installing SharePoint 2010 and I spent much of my time this year learning new skills to help me program in and administer that software. Part of my training involved a two week trip that included New York and Las Vegas. It was pretty cool, but shockingly enough after two weeks of intense training even “exotic” locations like Las Vegas get old and you start to yearn for home. Not to mention the amount of weight I put on while I was out there.

Oh, yeah. Health wise? This year sucked donkey balls. I managed to stay off the cigarettes (it’s been about 13 months now), but beyond that it’s been almost nothing but disappointment and setbacks. I was diagnosed with gout and as a result I gave up eating meat back in May. You’d think that being a vegetarian would be good for the waist line, but I’ve struggled mightily ever since. I think part of it has to do with the sheer amount of carbohydrates that go into your body when you aren’t eating animal flesh. Who knows? What I DO know is that I am, yet again, back up over 280 pounds. I haven’t weighed this much since we got back from the Goth Cruise, and I’m up 40 pounds from where I was just a few years ago. The gout episode completely derailed my running routine, and I’m still not fully back into it yet. Most of my clothes aren’t fitting properly, I have low energy, and my self-respect is pretty much in the shitter as a result. The last few weeks have been a bit better in that regard, but I’ve still got a long way to go before I start to feel comfortable in my skin again.

Krystalle and I celebrated our 8th anniversary back in July. Jareth turned 21. Alex turned 16. Kimmy split from her husband. My kids are getting older and I have my best friend at my side. That’s pretty awesome.

Theatrically? Did two shows. Should have done four but two of them were canceled (three, technically, but the second wouldn’t have gone up until January). I had my first ever theatrical role, and I had the privilege of, yet again, being the first actor to play a role in an original production. That would have happened twice this year, as I was supposed to be in a musical where the part I was playing was written specifically for me, but that fell through.

Celebrated my 10th season with Jobsite…but ironically haven’t been cast in anything yet for said season. Still one show up in the air, though.

Managed to whip the finances into pretty decent shape for a while there but the last few months have reversed a bit of that. I pulled a major remodeling surprise on Alex while he was out of town for Thanksgiving, and as glad as I am that I did the work the investment was considerable. It seriously needed to be done, though. That room was a health hazard, and that wasn’t ENTIRELY his fault.

All in all it was a good year. It wasn’t a great year, but it wasn’t a bad year. It was very busy. At times it was hard, and on many occasions the one thing I wanted more than anything else was sleep.

That’s still the case, really.

Happy New Year, my friends.

 

The Rainbow Hippie Argument

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Love the trees!

Image courtesy of mendhak via flickr

Back in the Summer of 1992 I was working my one, and only, renaissance festival. What is amusing about this is that the show was not, in fact, the one I had grown up around. Despite being closely tied to the Bay Area Renaissance Festival for many years, the only gig I’ve ever actually been an official cast member at was Scarborough Faire in Waxahachie, Texas.

Like many folks who traveled and worked with the renaissance festival circuit, I set up a tent in the woods back behind the festival grounds to live in during the time I was employed at the show. The small section I “lived” in during that time was populated by myself, my friends Holly and Donnie, and a Rainbow Hippie.

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Leaving Las Vegas

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If I told you I was going to send you on a trip that would involve spending a week in New York City followed by a week in Las Vegas you’d probably think that was going to be pretty cool. I sure did. For a while there it was. I can honestly say, though, that after two weeks I’m ready to go home.

I’ve been taking part in some pretty intensive training to help me get up to speed on some of the technologies that we’re adapting at work. I spent five days in New York learning about C# and 7 days in Vegas learning about accessing data and building web applications in Visual Studio 2010 with .NET. The New York leg of the journey was pretty awesome, both from a learning and playing perspective. Vegas, however, has completely kicked my ass. 10 hour days on stuff that’s either really difficult to wrap your head around or mind-numbingly easy mixed with the insanity that is the Las Vegas strip. The resort we are staying at is right behind the Hooters hotel on the South end of the main strip, and the whole environment outside of our little resort is just nuts. Hell, it’s a little crazy here. I’m sitting right next to a window that is looking out over the pool in the resort, and as the week went on the parties our there got progressively louder and more raucous (I note with no small amount of amusement, however, that so far it’s pretty dead out there on this lovely Sunday morning…I guess everyone is still recovering from the parties of the previous evening).

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Here there be cactii

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Sometimes I worry that I’m a bit too much of “that guy.” I’m currently sitting pool side at the hotel I’m staying at in Phoenix, Arizona for the NOREX International Roundtable. I’m wearing the standard black t-shirt with the nerdy saying on it, working on my computer, and sitting in the shade. I haven’t gone anywhere near the water or the pasty older folks who are part of the conference and frolicking in it. I’m not even drinking right now, settling instead for a tasty bottle of Fiji water.

Truth is, though, that even sitting here in the shade with my sunglasses on I’m getting a headache. That might be a result of trying to strain through my sunglasses to see the screen, or it could just be because I’m slowly but surely turning into Gollum.

Time will tell, precious.

From a “fun things to do when not in the conference” perspective this trip has kind of been a bust. My foot is currently gimped thanks to the fact that I was running with the wrong shoes for several months. I have inflamed tendons in my left foot and I’m wearing a compression sock and a splint. I can’t run. I can’t even walk all that far. I am surrounded on all sides by beautiful desert landscape and I can’t explore any of it. That, of course, is also part of the problem. I’m surrounded on all sides by desert. The only thing here to do is go to the casino next door,and I’m not really a gambler. I’ve been spending the daily credit that they gave me, but that’s about it.

Oh. I’m also not in the pool because I forgot my swimsuit and all I have is my cargo shorts and that’s really kind of ghetto.

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