Don’t Be A Jerk

I’ve been threatening for years to put together a presentation titled “Everything I needed to know about Leadership I learned while running a guild in World of Warcraft.” I still might someday, but I’m annoyed with myself for continually talking about it and not doing it, and one of the points I want to make is top of mind today so I’m just going to write it down in a post and consider it pre-work for my epic future Agile Alliance presentation.

I started playing World of Warcraft shortly after it was released in 2004. I had a small group of friends who had been playing City of Heroes together and we all decided to try it at the same time. When enough of us had gotten the game and decided to stick around to do so, we started a small guild (a guild, for those of you are unfamiliar, is a means to communicate and share resources in the game with a specific group of people). Eventually we met another guild that was populated by people who we thought were neat, and we decided to merge the two guilds together.

For some reason I agreed to lead this new guild.

I won’t go into a lot of detail as to why a guild needs leadership, because it’s not really relevant to this post, but the very short version is that there is a lot of content in the game that requires large groups to complete, and part of running a guild is to help schedule teams to take on that content and establish agreements around how any rewards won from beating it would be distributed among the group. Guild leaders also establish the culture of the guild (ours was considered a “casual” guild, with mostly older players who had responsibilities that prevented them from devoting excessive amount of time to the game) and will also set up rules around acceptable behavior by guild members.

When we formed our guild, we had one rule: Don’t be a Jerk.*

For a while, that worked just fine. Everyone understood what being a jerk meant, and we were all pretty good about not being one.

But then the guild grew. We kept adding people who we didn’t know as well as the original members. As our numbers expanded, the line on what everyone accepted as “jerkish” behavior began to get fuzzy. Common sense, it turns out, is not so common. Especially when you’re dealing with a diverse group of individuals who are paying for the privilege of playing a game. People with different backgrounds, who come from different regions of the world, and have a variety of socioeconomic situations, genders, ages, and sexual orientations (not to mention skill levels). Heck, one of our prominent members was a retired grandmother who used to send me cookies every Christmas.

Mardi, if you’re still out there my address hasn’t changed.

Eventually something happened that I, and the folks who helped me run the guild, couldn’t ignore. I don’t remember what it was, specifically. All I remember is that our response to the thing that happened was to create a new rule, so now we had two of them. It wasn’t too long before another incident got our attention, so we created a third rule. Then a fourth. A fifth. You get the point.

When I finally stopped playing the game in early 2009, I believe our rule book was three pages long.

We would make broad announcements about how we have “noticed certain behaviors” and how those behaviors “violate the spirit of our core value of not being a Jerk.” If the person in question continued doing the “thing” we had created the rule for, we could point at the (newly expanded) rules list and accuse them of violating it, thereby justifying our decision to remove the person from the guild.

You know what we never did in any of these situations (before it was too late)?

Talk to the person in question.

Instead of having an open, honest discussion about whatever the infraction was that caused us concern we avoided confrontation entirely and hid behind bureaucracy.

Our reward? More headaches. The bureaucracy that was protecting us from being the “bad guys” continued to grow and become more complex, and eventually got to the point where we spent more time managing rules and people than, you know, playing the damn game.

Eventually it got to be too much for me and I quit playing. All the enjoyment had been sucked out of the game for me, and I walked away. I still have friends who I met playing WoW, and some of them are still playing and in the guild I helped create, but I canceled my account almost 14 years ago and haven’t looked back.

So what does any of this have to do with Leadership in the professional world?

The first, and most important, lesson I took from this was that creating rules to deal with people problems is a no-win scenario. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have rules, codes of conduct, etc…but if you’ve got someone on your team who isn’t working well with others in some capacity, creating some kind of rule, procedure, or process to deal with that person is not being a Leader. It’s managing (and managing poorly, at that).

The other big lesson I learned is that by creating a rule that applies to all members of a team when only one person is responsible for doing the “thing” that caused the rule to be made, you create a situation where the unintended consequence of your action is to cause people who have nothing at all to do with the situation to suddenly worry that THEY were the reason the rule was created. For example, say you have a person in your organization who has some kind of issue with body odor that is disturbing others and instead of having a conversation with that person you send out an all-users e-mail reminding the entire company that “we all have to work together in small spaces” and to “please be mindful of how our personal hygiene might impact those around us.” The person who inspired the e-mail might not think it is about them, or they might realize it is and get horribly embarrassed and/or resentful. Even worse, people who had nothing to do with the original announcement may start wondering if they are the reason the email was sent in the first place.

This lesson shows up in the Agile Manifesto, of course. “Customer Collaboration over contract negotiation” is one of the four values found in the manifesto. Talking with people and working out situations directly is much more effective than hiding behind contracts (and what is a list of rules in an organization but a contract that one agrees to abide by to continue working there?), and how can we argue with the fact that most effective means of communicating information being face-to-face communication?

If I knew then what I know now, I’d have spent a lot more time talking to people and a lot less time managing a list of complex rules. The short term discomfort of having a difficult conversation pales in comparison to the drudgery and annoyance of dealing with the red tape of a ridiculously long rule book.

*In the interest of full disclosure, the word wasn’t jerk. I think you get the drift, though.

A Con of Dragons

After I returned home from DragonCon in 2019 I decided that I needed to re-evaluate my relationship with the convention and whether I would ever go back. I had cut the trip short due to an impending hurricane and a general sense of misery and unease being there.

This was about a month before I quit drinking, when everything I did from a leisure standpoint basically revolved around alcohol. I started drinking when I got on the plane for Atlanta, and really did not stop (except for the morning hours and the times I was on duty…mostly). I was already at a point when even leaving our house was annoying because it just got in the way of being able to drink as much as I wanted, and when you factor in the cost of travel AND the expense of drinking hotel priced booze? Well, it just was not worth it.

This was, honestly, how many of my vacations looked before I stopped drinking. Just an excuse to drink even more than I did at home. I had a similar experience at Gen Con earlier that year. Skipped out on the final event in the tournament that Alexander and I pretty much went there for so we could stay at the AirBNB and drink.

The fact of the matter is, though, that when I first went to DragonCon I hardly drank at all. I could not afford it, for one thing, but more importantly drinking was not a big deal in my life. What thrilled me was the convention itself, and the things I loved doing there had nothing to do with getting my drink on.

I had already decided to take 2020 off so I could really sort out my feelings on the subject, but then the pandemic happened and I had another level of emotion to sort out. One of the reasons I loved going to conventions is because they made me feel connected to people who shared the same passions I did, or who were equally as passionate about things I was not but could at least relate to. Being cut off from that while also being cut off from pretty much the rest of the world made me miss attending the show even more than I would have had the pandemic not happened, so I went ahead and made a reservation for the 2021 show and committed to going.

Now it is just a few short months until DragonCon returns, and I am following through with what I told myself I was going to do and sorting out my relationship with DragonCon. A relationship that will not, for the first time in a very long time, revolve around (or even include) drinking. Why do I want to be there? What do I want to do?

Seems like the perfect occasion for a bulleted list…

  • I want to see and spend time with the friends I have made, and only see, during the convention.
  • I want to dance. Preferably while looking spooky.
  • I want to see and take pictures of cool cosplayers.
  • I want to have dinner at the restaurant owned by Kandi Burruss (Old Lady Gang Southern Eatery)
  • I want to play some games. This could possibly include running the 5th Edition D&D module “The Lost Tomb of the Bitchin’ Chimera”
  • I want to stare forlornly at the vacant spot where the GLC café used to be and dream of the falafel I will not be having. Ok, I do not WANT to do this, but I will.
  • I want to buy a new kilt that fits properly, get my kilt belt sized down, and purchase some new t-shirts.
  • I want to express my gratitude to as many artists whose work I have enjoyed in my life as I can fit in my schedule.
  • I want to sit in a room full of loud, exhausted volunteers eating food made from questionable ingredients while trying to hear whether I have won a raffle prize I will never be able to use.
  • I want to resist the urge to break my streak of walking four miles a day.
  • I want to play and possibly purchase at least one new game.
  • I want a cool new coffee mug.
  • I want to go to karaoke.
  • I want to discover new and interesting beverages to consume that are not alcoholic. Craft Sodas!

I could probably think of more, but if I were to accomplish everything on that list it would be a hell of a holiday weekend. Which is exactly what it used to be like back before having a drink in my hand the whole time was not my priority.

See you in Atlanta, Geeks.

The Economics of Star Trek: Discovery

Star Trek: Discovery is, in my opinion, the best Star Trek series since the original one. It might even be better than the original series, but it’s hard to top that since TOS was groundbreaking for the time. When I heard that CBS All Access was going to be showing the series exclusively through their subscription portal, I didn’t even hesitate to re-activate our account. It was last used to watch the most recent season of The Amazing Race, as we do not have cable, satellite, or a functioning antenna to catch over-the-air transmissions. I didn’t even think twice about it, because this is how we consume media these days. If there is a series on we want to see through a platform we don’t have access to we pay for it while the show is on and, when it’s over, we shut the service back off again.

It works well for us, because we don’t end up paying for services we don’t want.

Based on the number of people who want to burn the CBS studios to the ground over this decision, though, I guess we’re in the minority. I just don’t get it. People are enraged over the fact that a Star Trek series isn’t available for FREE.

Except, it never HAS been. Nothing in life is.

If you’re a subscriber to cable or a satellite service you’re paying for CBS.

If you’re watching a series on Hulu, Netflix or Amazon, you’re paying for those services.

You can make the argument that watching CBS using an antenna is free, but you’re still watching commercials…you’re paying for those shows by consuming advertisements.

Star Trek has never, ever, been “free.”

What’s more, I frankly don’t understand the outrage even if this was some kind of radical departure from conventional business practices. The commercial-free version of CBS All Access is roughly 10 bucks a month. For every month that the show runs, you get five hours of content for $10, IF the only thing you watch is Discovery. You’d pay the same, or more, to go see a first-run movie in a theater. I’ve seen people talk about waiting until the DVD comes out and buying it. Admittedly a cheaper option, if you don’t mind waiting to see if CBS makes it an option (something that, at this point, is unclear).

The folks that amuse me the most, though, are the ones who say they will wait until it comes to [insert streaming service here].

Really, though, I get kind of grossed out by the sheer entitlement of it all. Like these people deserve to see Star Trek, and it’s a personal affront if they must change their viewing habits in order to see it.

But then again, geeks are an odd bunch.

Confessions of a Middle-Aged Member of Generation X

S358_28142889665_850_no last week I turned 41.

This is kinda mind-blowing to me, as I am now officially “in” my forties. I’m no longer just 40. Oh, no. I have now fallen off the cliff into being middle-aged. That nebulous time when we’re supposed to be all grown up but we still don’t really know what the hell we are doing and we spend all of our time trying to get everyone around us not to see that.

It’s fun. No, really. I also enjoy playing the “what hurts this morning?” game and having to squint when I read small print. It’s just lovely.

I wasn’t inspired to write this post because of angst over my current age bracket, though. What actually got me to blow the dust off the old WordPress server was the decision to come clean about a few things.

You see, folks…In many ways I’m not your typical member of Generation X.

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Looking Into The Mirror : A Theory On The Future of the J.J. Abrams Trek Universe

Terran-Empire-Insignia

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!

I have a theory about the J.J. Abrams Star Trek universe. It’s likely wrong, because Abrams seems pretty well content to just do whatever he wants regardless of whether or not it makes any kind of sense (see : The Enterprise at the bottom of an ocean), but it’s a theory I have nonetheless.

The Abrams Trek universe is actually an alternate Mirror Universe.

What follows is a whole bunch evidence that demonstrates, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I spend far too much time thinking about this kind of shit. Some of what follows here isn’t necessarily canon, but it’s the best info we have so I’m going to go with it.

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Sexy Halloween History

I have a real problem with revisionist history and perceptual reality. Namely, I take issue with the whole “things were better back when I was a kid” statement. Our parents said it, and their parents said it, and despite the fact that we grew up swearing we wouldn’t say it members of my generation are saying it now, too. This commonly crops up when we talk about the fact that the “streets were safer” back when we were kids. They weren’t. In fact, the violent crime rate has been steadily dropping over the last 20 years. What’s different now from 1991 is that we didn’t have such a huge proliferation of information at the time. In this modern 24 hour news cycle era we sit glued in front of our tiny glowing screens eagerly lapping up the latest gory news. We analyze it over and over again and rail about the injustice of humanity.

We obsess.

The reason I’m thinking about this so much today is because of the number of complaints I’ve seen about “sexy” costumes, as if this were some kind of new phenomenon. I will admit that some of the “sexy” costume subject matter is a bit much (sexy Little Orphan Annie? Really??), but to say that the “sexy” costume is a recent phenomenon is to ignore history.

To prove my point I have used the magic of the internet to take a trip back in time to find some examples of “classic” sexy costumes…Come with me children, as we explore the sultry side of Halloween Past…

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Hot Tub WTF

Since I’ve been stuck between the choice of hanging out in my hotel room or gambling I opted for the former and decided to check out “Hot Tub Time Machine” the other night. On the whole I enjoyed it for what it was. It was kind of nice to see John Cusak back in the silly, juvenile type of comedies that I came to know and love him in. It was raunchy at times, really gross at others, it had some boobies in it, and a few points where I laughed out loud. Certainly not the best movie I have ever seen, but far from the worst.

BUT…

I have a real problem with the ending. A statement like this is often accompanied by a Spoiler Alert, so here is yours.

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The Searchers

Jeffrey Hunter (Martin Pawley), John Wayne (Ethan Edwards)

Last night I sat down with Krystalle and Jareth to watch the 1956 John Wayne movie The Searchers.

The reason we picked this particular movie is because it appears on the American Film Institute’s list of the 100 Greatest Movies of All Time. While we were waiting in line to get on the Great Movie Ride at Hollywood Studios last week we decided that there were a lot of “classic” films that we haven’t seen and that one of our goals in 2011 should be to rectify that situation. The Searchers was the first movie we picked off of the list, largely due to the fact that it is only going to be available through Netflix for a few more days.

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I wear purple in the form of bruises

I am writing this post on October 20th, 2010. The date is important because today has been declared Spirit Day by the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. For those of you who have not heard of this, Spirit Day (in the words of the promoters) “honors the teenagers who had taken their own lives in recent weeks. But just as importantly, it’s also a way to show the hundreds of thousands of LGBT youth who face the same pressures and bullying, that there is a vast community of people who support them.”

I want to state right off the bat that I am just as horrified and outraged about the suicides that sparked this event as any other sane human being would be. It is also not my intent to offend anyone who may have been bullied or teased because they were a member of the LGBT community.

The above statement is what is known as a disclaimer.

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What is it worth?

I follow a lot of folks on Twitter who, like myself, are very active in the social media community. These people, again like me, are very passionate about the importance of social media in the business world and about how valuable of a tool it can be to promote your business. Unfortunately, many of them seem to fall flat on their face when it comes to coming up with a valid justification as to why a business needs to be involved in social media. In fact, they very frequently tend to take offense at the very nature of the question. Which is, of course, a sure fire way to guarantee that the business you’re trying to convince to get into social media never well.

Return On Investment, kids. It’s not a dirty word. Get over it. The whole nature of taking offense at the idea of justifying why a business should spend money on your idea without being able to quantify where it will turn into profits for them is absurd. It is tantamount to an artist claiming that people “just don’t get” their work. It’s a cop out. Sure, it’s all fine and dandy that you might be doing something unique and awesome in your mind, but if you can’t prove to someone that giving you money for doing so is worth their time you have no business trying.

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