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Audtioning Sucks

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I am an ensemble member of the Jobsite Theater, and have been since the program came into existence in 2005.  What this means, in a nutshell, is that I do not have to attend the annual general auditions that they hold for the public.  They are aware of what I am capable of doing and when it comes time to cast the shows for an upcoming season they do not need to see a monologue from me to determine whether or not I have any talent.  I do, however, have to go to the call backs for specific shows if a director feels that I might fit for a role.

If you’ve never been through an audition process I can honestly say you aren’t missing much.  In all the experiences I’ve had in my life, I can honestly say that the emotional roller coaster that happens during the casting process is right up there as being one of the most grueling.  You may perhaps think I’m exaggerating, but consider the following – If you’re working with a company that you’ve worked with in the past chances are that you know most of the competition.  In my case, this means I end up reading against a bunch of men who I think are insanely talented AND who I happen to like quite a bit.  You want to talk about conflicted emotions?  You may want a part really badly,  but chances are that your peers want that same part.  In order for you to get it you have to beat out those folks.  They have to “fail” where you succeed.  You stand there, smiling and chatting like friends should but inside you’re wondering if this is the person who the director is going to choose over you.  It’s gut wrenching.

Along the same vein, you usually know and (again) consider the director to be a friend.  Do you have any idea how hard it is NOT to take it personally when you’re “rejected” for a part by someone you consider to be a friend?  You can sit there and rationalize and say that you just weren’t what they were looking for all you want, but in the end it still feels like a kick to the gut.

It’s even worse when someone at the audition is considered a favorite by the local media.  An actor who has won a “Best of the Bay” award or who is frequently cited as being someone to catch in the area before they move on to “bigger and better” things.  When you see someone like this at an audition and they are reading for a part that you want the temptation to just pack it in is insanely powerful.

So, ok.  You make it through that night.  As soon as you get in the car to head home you start trying to figure out who got a part.  Sometimes it’s pretty obvious, to be honest.  Generally speaking you can bank that if one actor reads for the same part multiple times and hardly anyone else reads it said actor has the part.  This is by no means a hard and fast rule, of course, but I’ve seen it play out this way more often than not.  If you have any doubt, though, you start watching your email or checking your phone constantly waiting for some kind of word as to how you fared in the process.  Depending on the director or size of the cast this process can take weeks.  The longer you wait the more time you spend convincing yourself that you didn’t get the part and the more you dread the email you know is coming.  The “Thank you so much for you’re time.  You’re wonderfully talented but we have our cast” email.  There have been a few occasions when I’ve convinced myself so thoroughly that I was getting one of those emails that I’ve been literally shocked to get one in which I was offered a part.

If you do get that rejection notice, though, it begins yet another period of emotional trauma.  If you’re anything like me it does, anyway.  You flagellate yourself with self-depreciating comments like “I’m not talented enough,” “I’m too fat,” “I’m too ugly,”  and other teenage level emotional suicide bombs.  You being to wonder if you’re really all that good or if, in the shows you’ve been cast in, you’re just the only person they could get.  This usually lasts all the way until you actually see the production, at which point you generally have to admit that the person who was cast was really the person who was right for the job.

Which, in the end, is the only truth there is in this.  As an actor, you are not perfect for every role.  You may think you are (…may?  who the hell am I kidding?  Actors are some seriously egotistical bastards…generally speaking it’s why we act in the first place), and you may even be right, but you’re never going to get every part you go out for.  It’s a hard, depressing reality to face but there it is.  It sucks, and every year we put ourselves through it.  Not because we’re gluttons for punishment, but because it’s something we’re driven to do.

And because, frankly, we’re a little bit crazy.

Wouldn’t you have to be to go through something like this?

A few things I don't understand

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I don’t understand why there seems to be so much angst over what people choose to post in their Live Journals recently.  Specifically I’m referring to the complaints about those of us who post our twitter feeds here, but this would also include anxiety over long posts that aren’t behind cut tags.

I just don’t get it.

Ok, let’s start with the Twitter thing.  I get that many Tweets are replies to other Tweets and that reading them is like hearing half of a conversation.  I understand that complaint.  But what about those that aren’t?  There seems to be some kind of misconception out there that because of the fact that a Tweet is limited to 140 characters it is somehow less valid than a Live Journal post.  I’ve got news for you, folks.  I made posts that were 140 characters or less long before there was a Twitter, and there’s very few people on my friends list who can say that they haven’t.  I suppose if the Tweets were posted every time someone made a new one I could see how that would get to be a bit much, but they aren’t.  At least, none of the feeders I’ve seen so far work that way.  It’s one digest post made daily, and a good number of people who I know that are posting them now are even putting them behind cuts.

So why the anxiety?

What’s more, if you don’t want to read them…er…don’t?  Which then leads into my not understanding why there is anxiety when someone chooses to put a long post up without a cut tag.  I fail to see why the act of scrolling a mouse wheel past a long post you don’t wish to read is such a hardship.  Or, for that matter, why it’s so difficult to scroll past something that, perhaps, is talking about a subject you don’t care to read about. 

I have a lot of people on my friends list.  I do not read every post that comes across it.  There is no rule stating that if you have someone on their friends list you are required to read everything they write, and I think it’s foolish to assume that your words are so important that everyone who has you on their friends list is going to do so.  I can pretty much assure you that longer posts, cut tagged or not, end up getting skimmed anyway.  Why?  Because, as I have said many times in the past, I see more comments on live journal when the post is short than I do on the epic length, well written and thoughtful ones.

So yeah.  I skim.  You skim.  We all skim.  As such, I don’t understand why skimming past something you don’t care to read is a reason to get angry. 

I have one exception to the above statements.  Outlandish font sizes (especially when used in conjunction with profanity).  Images are no problem.  If you are afraid you’re going to see an image that might get you in trouble or be offensive you can change your LJ settings to automatically put all images behind a thumbnail.  That’s easy.  But big fonts you really can’t do anything about, and those always tend to pop up right as your boss is walking past your desk or someone at home is looking over your shoulder.  That is pretty much the only time I’ll ask someone to put something behind a cut tag, and if they choose not to?  No skin off my back, really, but I’ll likely take them off of my friends list (I don’t use reading filters…too much work.  My friends list IS my reading list.  As I’ve ranted about before, being on my “friends list” is no indicator at all of whether or not you are actually my friend).

The other thing I don’t get (that is completely unrelated but is already cropping up with the announcement that Blizzard is going to release Diablo III) is people that seem to get offended when you aren’t as excited about something as they are.  Blizzard in particular seems to evoke this kind of fanatical fan base.  The fact that I am not interested in something is by no means a criticism of you if you are, and my reasons for not being so are mine.  I don’t need to be convinced that I’m wrong, nor if I explain my reasons do I think you are if you disagree with me.  It’s an opinion, and it’s a matter of taste.  That’s it. 

Of course, I also don’t understand why the above things bugged me enough to take the time to write about them.  But they did, and hey…it’s not a tweet.  Hell, I might even put this behind a cut tag.