From the New York Times, January 15th, 2003

Running Fast Into The Past

Because that’s what I am of course…

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Last night I was told that America has changed since September 11th, 2001. I was told that the old way of doing things did not apply. That this was a “new America, where stuff can and will come get us from where ever it happens to be based.”

First of all, I want to address this myth of a new America. We haven’t changed. The only thing that I see being different now from the time prior to September 11th is that the government is a lot less subtle about the fact that they play games with our Constitutional rights. I see our leaders expecting us to blindly believe what they tell us in the interest of “national security.”

The most recent example of that involves, of course, the “war” with Iraq. Donald Rumsfeld said that the fact that U.N. Weapons Inspectors didn’t find evidence of weapons of mass destruction “could be evidence, in and of itself, of Iraq’s noncooperation.” So what they are saying, in essence, is that if you find weapons of mass destruction you go to war, but if you don’t find weapons of mass destruction you still go to war because not finding them just means they are hidden better than you expected.

In other words…Like it or not, kids, we are going to war.

But I was talking about the “new America.”

Are we a more religious country now? No. Church attendance was up after September 11th, but quickly dropped back to pre 9/11 numbers. The same thing applies to military enlistment. There was a lot of interest right after the attacks (people couldn’t wait to get over to Afghanistan and show Osama Bin Laden who was boss) but soon enough the interest went away.

Are we a more charitable country now? Not by a long shot. Here in Tampa, two local charities (Goodwill and Metropolitan Ministries) had to cut employees and programs because donations have dropped so much in the last year.

We’re afraid now. More afraid then we were before, if that is at all possible. Every night on the news we hear about some new biological scare, or that a possible bomb was detected at an airport. We’re told about how increased the security is at public events because there have been “unsubstantiated threats.” We’re told that Saddam Hussein, who during the Clinton administration had faded to near comical obscurity (and not just by me…I remember talking to many people about him during the latter part of the 1990’s in a “remember that guy? What a joke he was” fashion) is suddenly a bigger threat to us than Osama Bin Laden ever dreamed of being. We’re told that we should be willing to suffer “minor inconveniences” and give up some of our basic Constitutional rights so that the government can do it’s job and protect us from the bad guys.

Who are the bad guys?

Does anyone really know anymore?

I suppose it’s all worth it. I suppose that, in the end, in order to keep ourselves safe and protect the world from the evils of terrorists we need to go through all of this. We need to root out the seeds of terrorism and stop them cold. Bring them to trial or take them out where they hide. Just like we did Osama Bin Laden.

We did get Osama Bin Laden, right?

Didn’t we?

Just had the following conversation with the writer of this comment. The names have been changed to protect the silly. And because it’s funny. And it’s my journal.

Debate

Her black stockings lie on the floor next to my bed.
Cast aside in a fit of passion, and forgotten the next day.
I found them the day after she left.
Picked them up and laughed, remembered how they got there.
I almost put them in the hamper, but I hesitated.
After a few moments, I put them back where I found them.
Saw them this morning and smiled to myself.
For just a brief moment it was like she was here again.
Maybe she was in the next room taking a shower,
Or sitting on the computer in the family room.
But there was proof of her presence lying on my floor.

I didn’t totally fool myself, though.
I couldn’t smell her.
Couldn’t hear her laughter or see her eyes sparkle.

Sometimes you cling to what you can.

So, celestialaddict came down to spend the weekend with me. She summed it all up pretty well on her journal, so I’m not going to rehash the events here. Just want to touch a bit on my feelings on the subject.

I’ve been called a fickle person in the past. I’ve been told that I didn’t know what I wanted, and that as a result I would never find it. I’ve had a lot of relationships in the time since Jody left me, and I will admit that at times I rushed from one person to the next and never seemed to pause in between.

So, of course, nobody is going to believe me when I say she is different.

But she is.

I used to have a mental laundry list of qualities I was looking for in a partner. The list has been added to and amended time and time again, but there have been many things that were constants on it.

She has met every one of them.

jiltos once told me that “everyone we hang out with would find something of value at Dragon Con. Even if it meant that they would spend the whole weekend making fun of everyone.”

I met her at Dragon Con.

We were joking around about open relationships and what not. She said to me “There can be only one.”

She quoted The Highlander at me, damnit.

She started quoting a King Missile song in the car on Saturday. I hardly know anyone who could name a King Missile song other than “Detachable Penis.”

Every time I think I know that we’re compatible, she pulls something out of herself that makes her even better.

The distance is…horrible. It keeps getting worse. The longer we’re together, the harder it is to say goodbye. It’s worth it, though. It’s worth it to know that there is someone out there who compliments me as well as she does. Someone who has, from the way it looks, gotten along with all of my friends as quickly as she does.

Like I wrote after I first met her, back in August, she just seemed to fit from the beginning.

Every time I started to date someone after Dragon Con, Karen would ask me “Are you sure you’re ready to give up everyone else? Like Robin?”

She mentioned Robin every time.

Did she know? Because I didn’t. I knew she was cool. I knew I found her attractive. But…beyond that. I didn’t realize it. At least, if I did, I didn’t admit it to myself.

In other developments…

I was talking to Karen about the whole financial situation last night. About how I went crazy after I got hired at Stone Ground. And I did. I got a raise of about 14 thousand dollars by switching jobs. I was making more money than I had any point in my life. I had good credit, and a good income. So I went overboard. I got a debt consolidation credit card, transferred 6 grand on to it, and then proceeded to turn around and run all those credit cards back up again. Now I’m living with the consequences of that.

I didn’t lose it all, however.

That’s what Karen pointed out to me.

I got a lot of stuff, and did many things to make my life better. I still have all of that stuff. I have managed, through the help of my friends and by tightening my belt. I’m surviving, and I’m doing it well.

It’s all a matter of perspective.