So, I’ve been at home all day today. Sick as a dog. It hit me last night during the auditions for “Streetcar Named Desire”. Started coughing and just couldn’t seem to stop. When I went to bed last night I was coughing my fool head off, and it continued this morning. So, after I went and had my latest MRI, I came home and went back to bed. Can I afford it? No. Is it going to contribute to the second really shitty paycheck in a row? Yep. Can I help it? No. I mean, I went back to bed after my MRI and slept until 2. I’m basically in a kind of haze right now. No way I could have gone to work.

I think I may even have a fever. Joy of joys.

Ok….I finally went out and bought a windows 200 compatible web cam. When it’s up, I use Camarades to display my mug…sooo….

http://critusMCM.camarades.com/

I bought a pair of jeans for $1.98 today. Brand new jeans. From a store in the mall called Gadzooks. They had this table of super reduced clearance clothing, and they had a pair of jeans in my size for $1.98. I couldn’t believe it, nor could I pass it up. They’re kind of “raver” jeans, but I don’t give a damn. They only cost $1.98!

Like my recent Wal-Mart gushing, this yet again emphasizes to me how fucking much I love the fact that I’ve lost 170 pounds. Never, ever, would I have found a pair of size 60 jeans for $1.98. Nowhere. Not even a thrift store.

The whole shopping trip was amazing. That was the only item of clothing I bought, but I went into 4 different stores and tried on shirts. In the MALL.

Life is so different when you aren’t huge. Unfairly so, but that doesn’t mean I can’t relish in it.

I’ve been listening to The Cruxshadows almost non-stop since I got back from Dragon Con. What an amazing band. I have some of their lyrics from the song “Spectators” as my new signature line for e-mail :

“and everyone will say ‘I told you so’
yeah they’ll all just nod and sigh
but I’ll make a run at something real
and they’ll never even try
and everyone will say ‘I told you so’
yeah they’ll all just nod and sigh
as I go down in a ball of flames
they’ll just watch, I wonder why”

Oh man, wanna talk about missed opportunities?? Fieryredhead mentioned on her live journal that a guy dressed as Obi Wan came through the curtains at the costume contest singing “Come What May” to her and that she swooned. Damnit! I was going to do that, but I figured that a big bald guy in chains coming at her and singing “All You need is love!” would be a bit much! Grrr! I also don’t look a damn thing like Ewan. Could have been a bit much for her.

It could also be that I’m a big weenie.

It’s funny. I have NO problem being bold when I’m not the one with my ego on the line. I totally hooked Lee Lee up with a guy over the weekend by walking up to him and saying “Yo, dude. What’s your name? Jeff? Jeff, see that girl over there? She’s been sweating you all fucking weekend. Her name is Lee Lee. Go talk to her.” But when I’M the one who could get egg on his face I get all stupid. Feh.

Auditions for “Streetcar Named Desire” are tomorrow night. I’m going to get as rugged and “manly” as I can for the audition. Wear a wife-beater and my combat boots, probably won’t shave. I’d really like to play Stanley. Unfortunately, the fact that Scottie knows me might have me pegged for Mitch if I get cast. Which wouldn’t suck, but I would love to take a stab at that “Stella!!” line.

Ok, so have you ever gotten a confusing set of directives? What’s more, have you ever gotten them at the same time? This happened to me today.

I was having two different Instant Messenger conversations with friends of mine online. At just about the exact same time, I had one of them tell me I was too nice, and the other one told me I was being a dick. I swear I actually sat there and stared at my monitor in awe. I really couldn’t believe it.

I especially couldn’t believe I was hearing the nice thing, particularly in the way it was worded to me. The person in question actually told me that she dates assholes. She flat out said that.

10 out of 10 for honesty, but damn. What the hell kind of life is that?

Then, what’s more, is that I get the dick comment from someone who once told me she had only dated assholes in the past, and would never do so again.

SO…I get told I’m nice from someone who only dates assholes, and I get told I’m being a dick from someone who only dates nice guys.

There are some days when you just aren’t going to win, so you might as well give the hell up and not even try.

I should have the Dragon Con and Jesus Christ Superstar photo sections up on my site tomorrow morning. I have to burn a disc before I go to work and upload them when I get in. I have the galleries done, but I don’t have comments or captions on them yet. Not sure if I am actually going to have those up, but the pictures will be there at the very least.

Well, it’s over now. In fact, it’s been over since Monday, but only now am I completely back to my mundane 8-5 world. But you know, I find the contrast there somewhat comforting.

I mean, I spent the entire weekend being a hedonist. I stayed up too late. I ate bad food. I flirted like a madman. I spent no small amount of time under the influence. I wore my Gothic outfit. Basically, I did everything I could to just play.

Last night, I went grocery shopping with my son. I cut coupons first. I bought him things to put into his lunch. Lots of vegetables. Steaks on sale. Had a little cook out last night with steak, potatoes and fresh corn on the cob. Made a salad. Did laundry. Tomorrow night he’s going to the Cub Scouts, and chances are I’ll be involved in that. I might even end up as a troop leader. I have to renew my PTA membership.

So here I sit, on this see-saw. My life tips from one kind of extreme to another, and I find that I can rest comfortably standing in the middle and balancing myself between the two.

Sunday night ended perfectly at Dragon Con. Not only did I get to hang out more with the very lovely young lady from Friday night again (I guess Vampires are just as sexy as Vampire Killers), but Zinfandel Zamboni from the Bad Girl Swirl drove down from Tennessee to meet me. We hooked up with Sashimi Tracker and spent a few hours walking around the con and then went to breakfast. It was a hell of a lot of fun, and now puts the total at four Bad Girls that I have met. So far, they have all been really cool, and I’m looking forward to meeting Pandora soon. I really think that we need to organize a Bad Girl convention.

After all this, I was done. I thought my weekend was complete. I smoked a cigarette on the landing, turned to head back to my room, and finally saw the one woman I had been looking for all weekend. Her name is FieryRedHead and I honestly think I freaked her out a bit when I introduced myself. She was dressed as Satine from Moulin Rouge. I had found her journal before hand, and I knew she was going to be there, so I spent the whole weekend looking for her. When I saw her on Sunday night, it was like the perfect end.

I still had a day to go, but it was all icing at that point.

The drive home on Monday was fairly uneventful, but Karen and Lee Lee were really at the end of their ropes with each other. Which is a damn shame, because up until this weekend they had gotten along famously. To the point where there were referring to each other as best friends. Now? I don’t know. It’s probably going to be a while before the three of us hang out together on a regular basis again. Yeah, it got that bad. I can see points on both sides, but I think it mainly all boils down to us being in close quarters for so long, without our personal spaces. I hope they realize that soon and we can all go back to being friends again.

Well, I need to get back to work. More later!

Got to meet the author Peter David today. I’ve been a fan of his work for many years now, even before I knew I was (he was the man who made The Incredible Hulk my favorite comic, but I didn’t know that until much later). A very humble, sincere and incredibly funny man. It was a pleasure to get to thank him for the entertainment he has provided for me.

Had a wonderful time dancing last night. I was very dissapointed in the music on Friday, but last night made up for it in spades. In fact, I’m damn convinced the DJ was trying to kill me, because he kept playing music that would not allow me to leave the dance floor. I think I danced for two solid hours. My Goth Gear(tm) was completely soaked with sweat afterwards. Won’t be wearing THAT again tonight. Lee Lee was hit on by this COMPLETELY hot red head named Lu Lu (what are the odds of THAT happening) while we were out there. I must admit to being quite jealous. The lovely woman who I met and flirted with on Friday night (she has a very tasty neck..yum) was obsessed with a man dressed as Blade last night and had no eyes for me. Boo Hoo. Ah well, I had a kick ass time dancing anyway.

I finally broke down and spent money on things I shouldn’t have today, but I think that two days worth of resisting is pretty impressive. I scored about 90 dollars worth of Vampire : The Dark Ages role playing game books for 43 bucks. This dealer was selling a ton of things for 50% off. It was just too good of a deal to pass up.

Next year, however, I’m going to go insane. I WILL be here again next year, and I’m starting the Dragon Con savings fund next fucking week. There is just no way I’m going to be caught here without money to blow again. I saw some of the most amazing clothes and toys and and and…there was even a button with one of my favorite sayings of all time on it (Fuck Me Like You Hate Me). I’m thinking of buying that one later tonight.

Saw a really awesome movie last night called “Freedom Downtime.” It’s a documentary by the people at 2600 Magazine about Kevin Mitnick, one of the worlds most notorious hackers (and how he was totally fucked over by the government). The quality of the film wasn’t that great, but the style was very reminiscent of Michael Moore’s work and it was a real pleasure to watch.

Oh! And tonight I’m going to go to the “Buffy Horror Picture Show.” 🙂 Karaoke style watching of the musical episode of “Buffy The Vampire Slayer.”

Tomorrow we leave, and it’s going to be very hectic. Not only will check out be insane, but I think the money situation between all of us will be was well. I think that Brooks is expecting everyone to contribute equally between the two rooms, and that wasn’t what I was led to believe when I told Karen and Lee Lee about how much the rooms would cost. There were 2 people less than originally planned, so it could be a significant amount more. I’m not looking forward to tomorrow morning or the subsequent drive home AT ALL.

Note to all of my friends reading this who I haven’t talked to since Wednesday (you all know who you are). I miss you terribly, more than I thought I would, and I look forward to catching up to you on Monday.

Things are still going at a million miles an hour here at Dragon Con. To the point where I’m actually a bit worn out and glad for a quiet minute to pause and take a break. I haven’t done as much as far as going to events today, more just walking around and looking at things and people. I have managed to not spend any money down in the dealer rooms, which is a pretty big deal if you ask me. I’m surrounded by stuff that is cool as hell and that I want but that I am resisting the urge to buy because I really can’t justify the expenditure.

Next year, however, is going to be a different story. I’m starting a Dragon Con trust fund the minute I get home.

Ok, so I’m going to try and recover from the horrible ordeal of losing everything I wrote last night and give a general impression of what I’ve seen here so far.

Which, for some reason, is suddenly striking me as something very hard to do.

I’m not sure what exactly it is, but I’m feeling kind of down and stressed at the moment. There has been some small amounts of tension between those of us who came to the con together. I guess it’s the cramming of individuals into a small space that none of them can claim as their own. Feelings have been hurt, snide comments have been made, and I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of all of it. It’s hard to be so in tune with my friends sometimes. I catch their feelings when the person who is causing them doesn’t, and it makes me want to try and correct the situation when I honestly don’t see how to.

That was a very odd rant to go off on in the middle of this convention, wasn’t it? I don’t want to give the wrong impression, however. I’m having a wonderful time, I’ve met some really cool (and quite sexy) individuals (some of whom I am hanging out with again tonight) and basically been having a lot of fucking fun.

That’s it. I’m gonna go get my vampire on and stalk some goth chicks.

I just wrote a REALLY long update to my journal about everything going on here at Dragon Con, and it got LOST.

FUCK

Basic summary – things are cool as hell. I’ve taken a lot of cool pictures, including some awesome faerie wings for Faeriegrrrl. I’m really pissed I’ve lost what I wrote, but I don’t want to do it again right now.