Her black stockings lie on the floor next to my bed.
Cast aside in a fit of passion, and forgotten the next day.
I found them the day after she left.
Picked them up and laughed, remembered how they got there.
I almost put them in the hamper, but I hesitated.
After a few moments, I put them back where I found them.
Saw them this morning and smiled to myself.
For just a brief moment it was like she was here again.
Maybe she was in the next room taking a shower,
Or sitting on the computer in the family room.
But there was proof of her presence lying on my floor.

I didn’t totally fool myself, though.
I couldn’t smell her.
Couldn’t hear her laughter or see her eyes sparkle.

Sometimes you cling to what you can.

So, celestialaddict came down to spend the weekend with me. She summed it all up pretty well on her journal, so I’m not going to rehash the events here. Just want to touch a bit on my feelings on the subject.

I’ve been called a fickle person in the past. I’ve been told that I didn’t know what I wanted, and that as a result I would never find it. I’ve had a lot of relationships in the time since Jody left me, and I will admit that at times I rushed from one person to the next and never seemed to pause in between.

So, of course, nobody is going to believe me when I say she is different.

But she is.

I used to have a mental laundry list of qualities I was looking for in a partner. The list has been added to and amended time and time again, but there have been many things that were constants on it.

She has met every one of them.

jiltos once told me that “everyone we hang out with would find something of value at Dragon Con. Even if it meant that they would spend the whole weekend making fun of everyone.”

I met her at Dragon Con.

We were joking around about open relationships and what not. She said to me “There can be only one.”

She quoted The Highlander at me, damnit.

She started quoting a King Missile song in the car on Saturday. I hardly know anyone who could name a King Missile song other than “Detachable Penis.”

Every time I think I know that we’re compatible, she pulls something out of herself that makes her even better.

The distance is…horrible. It keeps getting worse. The longer we’re together, the harder it is to say goodbye. It’s worth it, though. It’s worth it to know that there is someone out there who compliments me as well as she does. Someone who has, from the way it looks, gotten along with all of my friends as quickly as she does.

Like I wrote after I first met her, back in August, she just seemed to fit from the beginning.

Every time I started to date someone after Dragon Con, Karen would ask me “Are you sure you’re ready to give up everyone else? Like Robin?”

She mentioned Robin every time.

Did she know? Because I didn’t. I knew she was cool. I knew I found her attractive. But…beyond that. I didn’t realize it. At least, if I did, I didn’t admit it to myself.

In other developments…

I was talking to Karen about the whole financial situation last night. About how I went crazy after I got hired at Stone Ground. And I did. I got a raise of about 14 thousand dollars by switching jobs. I was making more money than I had any point in my life. I had good credit, and a good income. So I went overboard. I got a debt consolidation credit card, transferred 6 grand on to it, and then proceeded to turn around and run all those credit cards back up again. Now I’m living with the consequences of that.

I didn’t lose it all, however.

That’s what Karen pointed out to me.

I got a lot of stuff, and did many things to make my life better. I still have all of that stuff. I have managed, through the help of my friends and by tightening my belt. I’m surviving, and I’m doing it well.

It’s all a matter of perspective.

You are beconed by a stranger
to follow them down a dark alleyway.
Created by Night-Red

Man, those shnitzengruben will really wipe a brother out.