If I was put on the spot and forced to choose, I would have to say that the picture here on the right is my favorite of all the pictures that have been taken of me in the last few years.

My mother took it a few years ago when we were spending a family weekend out at the Tradewinds resort on St. Petersburg Beach. It was one of those “snapped it at just the right time” pictures, as I looked up right as Mom took it. I’m comfortable, relaxed, not posing, and…thin.

Well, about as close to thin as I’ll likely ever be.

I don’t like the pictures that are being taken of me these days. I don’t like them because they are evidence of how far I’ve slid since that picture was taken. They are reminders of the fact that I’ve stopped running, hell that I hardly ever get off my ass to exercise these days. They are evidence that I’ve stopped paying close attention to what I eat, and I’ve gone back to my habit of twos (always ordering two of something, always have seconds, etc…). I don’t like them because they show, indisputably, the 60 pounds or so I’ve put on since it was taken.

I’ve talked at length about all the excuses I have for the weight I put on, my health “problems” being the primary culprit. I put “problems” in quotes because, really, the things that I’ve dealt with have been more annoying than anything else. I haven’t been incapacitated, just…inconvenienced.

I kept things up pretty well through the run of Biloxi Blues last year, but after that I went downhill pretty quickly. I could, of course, pull out other excuses for that. Oh, I dunno…like “major life changing events” maybe? This last year has been a roller coaster of extreme highs and extreme lows in my personal life. Some of that is still going on now, and there are still nights when bad food and alcohol are the only things that seem to bring any comfort. I started smoking again around February of last year as well. Because, you know, if you’re eating like shit, not exercising, and drinking too much? Ya might as well throw cigarettes back on the table while you’re at it, right?

I’ve managed to put the cigarettes back down again by replacing them with an e-cigarette, but beyond that? I’m still pretty much looking at starting over from scratch as far as my diet and exercise are concerned. No, I still haven’t put back on ALL the weight I lost after my strokes back in 2000 (I’m still 109 pounds less than I was back then), but I’ve put enough weight back on that I’m noticing it. A lot. Physically and mentally. I’m not moving around as well, and I’ve got aches and pains I haven’t had in years. Most of my clothes fit poorly, and the ones that fit properly have sizes on the tags that make me cringe.

Oh, and I hate having my picture taken.

So I suppose this is yet another in a long line of “I’m really trying to do something about this” posts. I’ve re-upped my membership at LA Fitness and sometime within in the next few weeks I’d really like to start training to run again. I’m especially motivated to do so because there’s a show coming up next year that I’d really like a shot at being in, but it’s another military role. In my current shape? Not thinking it would be very likely I get cast.

I guess…I dunno? Wish me luck?

A less than stellar ending to this post, I admit.